By Producer Alan Rogers in London
I think this film will resonate with many people. Perfection is rare enough for us to treasure it when we see it. There is a line in the film ‘Nine and a half weeks’ where Michael (Rourke) says to Elizabeth (Bassinger) (who is dressed as a man with a false moustache), something like, I’ve got this girl. She has the most perfect heart shaped ass’. I am paraphrasing but you get the gist. Elizabeth snorts into her beer but we know what he means. I know a girl who has a heart shaped ass…. She has a smooth pubic mons that juts and tilts at just the right angle…. She has the most perfect shaped and sized breasts topped with berry nipples…..
Sorry. Where was I?
We are all judged on our looks. Even us old and ugly men.
If you are (like me) more Darwinist than Creationist, you will believe that we have evolved to be very visually influenced (particularly men). We make instant and sometimes unconscious opinions about people; based purely on how they look. This is of course a flawed evolutionary trick. People are rarely what you first perceive them to be. The term ‘you should not judge a book by its cover’ is so often played out.
So what about written word? Can you get to know someone by what they write and how they write it?
Well no. The deception lies much deeper in written and spoken word than with visual perception. Often I have heard tales that my favourite authors are quite vile people (according to people who know/knew them), but it does not stop me drooling over their prose or admiring their grasp of language.
We are most certainly not what we write or say.
So that leaves us to ponder your film. A beautiful girl, accompanied by beautiful prose and (mostly acted) spoken word. What do we know about you?
Let me guess…
Nothing.
And that is how it should be. Let us all have fantasy Missy in our heads and let her stay that way forever. What a gift.
POSTER PICTURE
Unseen man: “She was in a cult for christ-sake, do you really think this girl is trustworthy?”
Static into 3 men staring at something unseen outside a window. We see the scene from the same level as the window on the outside, but the people are looking down, so we can assume that our viewpoint is above the ground in the air.
Man 1 (incredulously) : “Who walks around the house like that?”
Man 2: “Maybe she’s a nudist. You know. Those Nudist colony people”
Man 3: (unbelievingly) “Yeah………yeah”
TO BE SEEN, TO BE REALLY SEEN, IS TO BE PENETRATED. – THE HANDMAID’S TALE
Fade to black.
Cut to young male looking through a letterbox. He is wearing a hoodie over his head. He looks left and right, then pops a letter through.
Male: “Hmmm…Do..de..doo..de..doo…..Hello Mr Postman, did I get any mail today?….No……OK…….I will see you tomorrow then…..”
Sound of car starting.
Fade to White and the Australian Post message.
TITLES
Cut to young man talking to someone on our left.
Young Man: “I know I can’t change anything that’s happened….”
MORE TITLES
Cut back to the young man talking to someone on our left.
Young Man: (smiling) “ but I want you to be happy…so I got you a brand new TV…”
Bell Ringing.
Cut to static. Cut to young couple making out in a lift. The footage is grainy CCTV style.. Cut to Older man with moustache talking.
Older Man: “You might…want to buckle up…”
Cut to film numbering. Cut to Ricky Gervais as Derek in a caravan.
Derek: “Excellent…Testing the bed”
Kev: “Yeah mate”
Derek: “Comfy”
Kev: “Lets get her into position”
He sits while Kev (David Earl) pretends to have sex with someone on the couch/bed. We see the friend try out different positions while Derek gets shaken about in the caravan.
Kev (holding his finger to his lips to an imaginary girl): “Shhhhh”
‘Dizzy’ by Vic Reeves and the Wonder Stuff starts playing.
Cut to Static. Cut to older man sitting behind a typewriter (or is it a printer?) in a library/study.
Unseen narrator: “For as long as human beings have told stories…we have imagined portals to supernatural realms…”
He looks to our right. The camera pans to the right. Cut to pictures of night-time devastation.
PROLOGUE: KINK-SHAMING
Unseen narrator: “Paradisal fields….islands of the undying…”
Cut to static. Cut to window in the night. Cut to creepy white mask with real hair and no eyes.
IS ‘FAT’ REALLY THE WORST THING A HUMAN BEING CAN BE?
Cut to static. Cut to another angle or another similar mask to the creepy one above. Cut to old television set with people on stage in a huge flag waving crowd around them.
Unseen narrator: “…Civilisations on distant planets…palaces under the sea….”
IS ‘FAT’ WORSE THAN ‘VINDICTIVE’, ‘JEALOUS’, ‘SHALLOW’, ‘VAIN’, ‘BORING’ OR ‘CRUEL’?
This is a limited list of attributes, but I get your meaning.
Cut to scene of night-time devastation.
Unseen narrator: “…gateways to hell…but in modern times the have bought the subterranean game to the surface…”
I HAVE A THEORY THAT GOD IS UNFAIR
Cut to another scene of night time. It looks like a motel. Someone moves in the background. Cut to Matrix scene where Neo is presented with a choice of red or blue pills by Morpheus played by Laurence Fishbourne.
Unseen narrator: “…in this ever expanding genre…”
THAT HE PREFERENTIALLY PUNISHES FAT GIRLS
Cut to Clockwork Orange scene where Alex (Malcolm McDowell) is strapped to a chair with his eyes forcibly clamped open while eye drops are put into them.
Cut to black.
Unseen narrator: “…there is one dystopian film that stands out as horrifyingly unique…breaking the mould…and creating a dystopian world unlike any other…except…maybe…potentially…”
THAT HE TAKES MORE PLEASURE
IN HIS PERFECT CREATURES
CHEERING THEM ON
LIKE AN ENTHUSIASTIC DAD
AT A SCHOOL SOCCER GAME
There used to be a sketch show on UKTV called ‘The Fast Show’. It was basically a set of recurring jokes in short sketches by lots of weird characters played by a small cast of comedians. One of them was ‘Competitive Dad’ who was this father who had to beat his children at everything. He would alway win because he was bigger and stronger than them. He would play sports with them but take it Uber-seriously even though they could hardly play. It was funny because we all know people like it. I know he is the opposite of who you describe here, but it made me think of him.
Fade to black
THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS SCENES WHICH MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME VIEWERS.
Cut to scene in Derek where Kev spots his ‘girlfriend’ a morbidly obese woman approaching.
Derek: “Here she comes”
GOD GIVES FAT GIRLS THE NEED FOR LOVE
Kev leans casually against the caravan and talks to Derek.
Kev (to Derek): “She’s got a lot of love to give, that woman..a lot of love”
AND NO WAY TO GET ANY
Harsh.
HAVING PLACED
Kev (to camera): “Got a face like a blind cobblers thumb…but a lot of bloody love…”
HIS FLAWED AND NEEDY FAT GIRLS
Kev (explaining): “still…you don’t look at the mantelpiece when you are poking the fire..the mantelpiece being the face…the fire being the minge and the ass
IN A WORLD OF EXACTING SPECIFICATIONS
Kev: (to no-one in particular) “…whatever I can reach at the time…………normally the ass”
HE DEDUCTS THE DIFFERENCE
Kev: (to the obese woman) “…….take a left turn babe”
BETWEEN WHAT THEY HAVE
AND WHAT THEY NEED
Kev helps the obese woman into his caravan following up the stairs he is presented with her sizeable rear.
Kev: “Take your time…that’s it….phew….pop yourself in there…”
FROM THEIR SELF ESTEEM
That seems like a hypothetical equation, but somehow feels true.
AND YET WE KINK SHAME ANY MAN
WHO ENTHUSIASTICALLY GIVES FAT GIRLS LOVE
Kev (to anyone who is listening): “Bloody hell…there’s literally no room for me in there now (laughs)…”
I think we kink-shame everybody who has a ‘kink’ if we know about it. Most people do not discuss kinks because of this.
Kev: “its like squeezing into a tin of spam”
Kev hesitates (beer can in hand), looking around to see if anyone has noticed him before entering the caravan Cut to comedian on stage.
Comedian: “I don’t respect that…I like my shame straight up and honest”
THIS IS ‘FAT SHAMING BY PROXY’
Cut to audience view from the stage. It appears we have travelled back to the early 20th century. Cut to close up of audience members looking unamused. Camera pans to the right.
Unseen narrator; “The masses have never shied thirsted after truth…they turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste…
HYPOCRISY, WHEN FIRST DETECTING CHAOS AT ITS HEELS
WILL ENTERTAIN THE VILEST SCHEMES TO SAVE ITSELF
True words well written. I love these nuggets Missy.
Cut to man scratching his face. The background is blurred.
Man: “We’ve all lost…so very much…”
Cut to man shouting at us.
Man: “Anything else?”
Various sound effects over:
Cut to close up of a shaved chin and mouth, lighter being struck, Microscope images, Film numbering, Close up of Eye, Tin Can, all in quick succession so you cannot really focus on one image before it is replaced with another, and some images are repeated.
SOME PEOPLE ARE COMFORTABLE IN HELL
THAT’S WHY I LET THEM CRAWL BETWEEN MY LEGS
Cut to man standing in front of a picture, talking to another man to our right. He shakes his head.
Man: “Nah…I’m sorry…this is whack”
WRITTEN & DIRECTED BY MISSY JUBILEE
Cut to torso shot of Missy standing naked outside.
TITLE
A shadow passes over her breasts.
Unseen girl: “my mother says your the offspring of foul sorcery…diabolic creation…’
(BE INTO WHAT YOU’RE INTO)
Unseen girl: “filthy degenerate born of hell…..(hopefully) have you ever been to hell?”
A man’s hand reaches out and gently strokes the underside of her right breast. Cut to two women in a red car. We view them from the front of the car. It is parked.
MORE TITLES
Woman 1 on driver side (smiling, handing woman 2 a CD): “I got the new Tori Amos”
Woman 2 on passenger side; “Oh cool”
throws CD out of the window.
Cut to close up of mans face looking earnest.
Man: “That makes me feel like I know nothing”
Cut to record playing and close up of a speaker. Cut to sky shot.
Sugar (feat. Fancesco Yates) by Robin Schulz starts playing
IT WAS A BRIGHT SUNNY DAY IN APRIL 2001
Cut to Police Car driving down the road. Cut to Missy standing outside against a blue sky. We are looking up at her from between her legs. She looks down at us with sunglasses on. Which is all she is wearing.
AND THE CLOCKS WERE STRIKING THIRTEEN
1pm?
Cut to police car we zoom in on the driver.
PERHAPS EVERY FETISH IS A UTOPIA
Cut to Missy as before. She has moved round so we are looking up the right side of her body. She relaxes her right arm. Before stepping over the camera with legs apart.
WHEN YOU FAIL TO PEEL BACK ALL THE LAYERS AND LOOK WHAT’S UNDERNEATH
Cut to policeman in his car. He is slightly balding with a moustache. He is in uniform. We see him in profile as if sitting in the passenger seat. He is driving down the road slowly.
EVERYTHING IN MY BACKGROUND
Cut to Missy as before, she has now turned so we see her upside down. We see some palm trees in the bottom of the shot. This forced perspective makes her legs look bigger and her head smaller. She moves to our right, so we are briefly looking up between her legs again directly at her sex. Cut to the Policeman still driving slowly. Cut to Missy as before. She stretches her arms above her head in a lustful stretch.
HAD PREPARED ME TO KNOW AND RESIST
Cut to Policeman still driving slowly. Cut to Missy as before. She twists her body as she stretches, putting her weight on her right leg. Throwing her arms out and twisting the other way to put her weight on her left leg. Cut to interior of Police car and the hand of the Policeman, interacting with his car stereo, turning the volume up.
A SITUATION WHERE
The Policeman starts to react and sing along to the music, dancing in his chair. Cut to Missy as before. She is still upside down. We are still looking up between her legs.
THE LAW BEGAN TO CLOSE AROUND ME
Cut to Policeman clapping his hands and head banging, really into the music.
BUT WHAT IF
Cut to Missy standing nude in the sunshine. We still look up from between her legs on the ground.
THERE ARE NO CRIES OF ANGUISH TO BE HEARD
Cut to man in trilby hat turning what looks like an old camera, or viewing point telescope/binoculars, clockwise. Cut to Missy as before.
WHO IS PREPARED TO TAKE UP THE LAW
Cut to Policeman now thrashing away, barely in control of the car as he is animatedly dancing. Cut to Missy as before.
AGAINST A SEA OF SEXUAL AMUSEMENTS
Cut to view of dancing Policeman through his windshield from the bonnet of his car. Cut to Missy as before.
TO WHOM DO WE COMPLAIN
Cut to Policeman continuing to dance in his car.
AND IN WHAT TONE OF VOICE?
These words are confusing without context. I understand them now I know your story. Of course you have explained this in ‘I Fuck Da Police’ (Film 172).
Cut to Missy as before.
WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT BEING FAT?
Cut to Policeman now wildly weaving his car from side to side as he drives down the street dancing in his seat. Cut to street view of the back of the Police car veering from side to side.
I KNOW A LOT
Cut to Missy as before.
WHEN I WAS 14, I WAS AN OBESE GOTH
Cut to interior of Police Car again. He is now laying on his seat with his legs out of the window. Singing to himself, not really driving at all but the car continues down the road. He throws his head back to sing. Cut to street view of the police car passing a petrol station. It travels from left to right.
WHEN I WAS 20, I HAD LOST 100 POUNDS
Cut to Missy as before. Moving from leg to leg.
AND I WENT INTO THE BUSINESS
Cut to street view of a now topless Policeman dancing in front of his car with a car wash water gun spraying in his hand. He spays it directly upwards as he dances in the rain it causes, before turning it on his car. Cut to Missy as before.
OF BEING JUDGED ON MY LOOKS
Missy is moving her hands about as if she doesn’t know what to do with them.
That is a lot of weight to lose. You did well. Fat is not a healthy state. You look healthy now. That is the most important point, regarding longevity. Cut to topless Policeman still dancing wildly at the car wash.
SENIOR CONSTABLE BLACK
Cut to Missy as before now superimposed on the car wash scene.
OF MULLUMBIMBY LOCAL POLICE
DEMONSTRATED THE DIFFERENT ATTITUDES TO FAT AND SKINNY GIRLS
Missy leans down slightly, gesturing with her hands as the car wash/dance continues. We see a woman shouting at the Policeman. The Policeman claps his soapy hands together causing a splash. Cut to Missy as before. Cut to Policeman back in his uniform driving erratically down the street.
WHEN I WAS 14, HE ARRESTED ME
Cut to Missy as before. She gestures with her hands as if explaining something. Cut to Policeman driving down the street. The view is from just to the right of the bonnet, looking at the Policeman through the window. He has put his blues and two’s on. He sticks his head out of his open window. Cut to Missy as before. She puts her hands behind her head.
FOR BEING IN A PARK WITH MY FRIENDS AFTER 10PM
Cut to policeman as before. He sings out of the window. Cut to Missy as before.
WHEN I WAS 20, HE DIDN’T ARREST ME
Cut to street view of Police car performing a handbrake turn in the dust. Cut to Missy as before.
I HAD BEEN WALKING ALONG THE BEACH NAKED
Cut to Policeman getting a case out of his boot/trunk. Cut briefly to Missy, then back to the Policeman’s hands opening the case.
HE CAUGHT ME
Cut to Missy as before.
BUT HE LET ME GO
Cut to view of the inside of the case. We see some leisure clothes. Cut to view from the boot/trunk looking up at a pleased Policeman.
40 MINUTES LATER
Cut to Policeman walking slowly down the dusty road with his case on wheels. We see only his legs and the case.
HE CAUGHT ME AGAIN
The camera pans up to show he is in jeans, wearing a green T shirt and white beanie hat with necklace. He struts.
BUT THIS TIME HE WAS OUT OF HIS UNIFORM
Cut to Missy as before.
AND HIS ATTITUDE WAS VERY DIFFERENT
Cut to Policeman presenting himself smiling to something just to the left of the camera. Cut to Police car tyres wheel spinning. Cut to Missy as before.
HE SAID HE THOUGHT I WAS ‘POSITIVELY PACKAGED’
Cut to Policeman from inside the car. He is still wearing his leisure clothes but he is screaming as he drives down the road.
You looked healthy, attractive, nubile and capable of bearing children. Evolution talking though his penis.
Cut to Missy as before.
COMPLIMENTS BEGAT TOUCHING
Cut to street view of speeding Police car. Cut to Missy as before.
AND BEFORE HE LEFT
Cut to interior of Police car with Policeman in his leisure clothes dancing wildly. Cut to Missy as before.
HE RAN HIS HANDS OVER MY BODY
Cut to Passenger side view of Policeman putting his head out of the window. Cut to Missy as before.
AS IF
Cut to Policeman as before dancing wildly. Cut to Missy as before.
TO BID IT
Cut to Policeman turning to sing at us in the passenger side. Cut to Missy as before.
GOODBYE
Cut to Policeman waving out of the window while dancing. Cut to Missy as before.
IT IS STRANGE THAT ABSENCE CAN FEEL LIKE PRESENCE
Cut to Policeman leaning out of his window. Flashing images then fade to black.
IRONY, QUITE POSSIBLY, MAKES PERVERTS OF US ALL
Fade to the Policeman continuing to dance while we watch from the street. The car is stationary. The camera turns us the right way around and we see that the Police car is upside down on the street. More Police cars are arriving with their blues and two’s on. Fade to black.
Fade to old man sitting at typewriter/printer in library/study. It looks like he is typing.
EPILOGUE
Cut to close up of young mans face looking slightly disturbed. Cut to close up of Wall-E’s camera eyes. He looks down. Cut to close up of cogs turning. And a note saying ‘#5’.
Unseen narrator: “A lot of social theorists believe that our modern internet enabled society has created an environment in which we are moulded, almost exclusively by the entertainment that we engage with”
THE DYSTOPIAN FETISH STATE
OF BEING ABLE TO BE INTO WHAT YOU’RE INTO
I am not sure you are using the word ‘dystopian’ correctly. Or I am missing another irony.
Cut to an old book being opened to show grotesque pictures of human like monsters. Cut to waitress talking to seated customer.
Waitress: “I don’t make the rules”
Cut to seated customer. We see that it is Jack Nicholson and he is in a diner.
Jack: “Ok, I’ll make it as easy for you as I can”
Fade to sunset.
IS IT MORE HONEST FOR A MAN TO HAVE CHOSEN A FETISH
THAN TO HAVE ACCEPTANCE IMPOSED ON HIM? – A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
Fade to what looks like an English country lane. There is a signpost warning that there could be cows on the road. A small car passes. Cut to Kev walking into the residential home with his morbidly obese girlfriend on his arm. He swaggers.
Kev: “alright gang….Derek…Douglas”
EACH INDIVIDUAL
Cut to Hannah who is brushing a residents hair. She looks up at him. Cut to Kev as he approaches. Cut to Derek sitting in his usual chair with Dougie the maintenance man. Dougie does a double take.
Dougie: “Jesus”
POSSESSES A CONSCIENCE
Cut back to Kev and his girlfriend standing there.
Kev (to obese woman): “knackered aren’t we?”
Woman: “hmm”
WHICH TO A GREATER OR LESSER DEGREE
Cut to close up of Derek. He is expressionless.
Derek: “why?”
SERVES TO RESTRAIN
Kev: “why?”
Cut back to Kev and his girlfriend. They turn to look at each other.
Kev: “Because we’ve been having sexual intercourse since yesterday afternoon…(to woman)..have we not?
Woman: “yep”
Kev: “…non stop body rock”
THEIR UNIMPEDED FLOW OF IMPULSES
Kev nods and adjusts his glasses looking pleased with himself. Cut to close up of the happy couple.
Kev: “Was that good?”
Woman: “Absolutely”
Kev: “There you go…straight from the horses mouth (turning to woman) no offence Jess”
Woman: ‘None taken”
BUT WHEN THEY MORPH THIS PERSON
Cut to Dougie and Derek sitting on their chairs. Cut back to the couple.
Kev (to woman): “On your way. I enjoyed that”
INTO A PERSONA
The girlfriend turns to leave. Kev looks back at the room in pride. Cut to close up of Derek looking confused.
Kev: “Very nice”
UNRESTRICTED BY THE NEED FOR ACCEPTANCE
Cut to Kev approaching Derek, then turning to look at some of the residents.
Kev: “happy with that”
Cut to Dougie now no longer interested and getting on with his job.
A NEW CREATURE EMERGES
Kev walks past him and squats down.
Kev: “Lets give my little balls a bit of breathing space…there”
Cut to Hannah still brushing the old mans hair. We see her turn to look back at the scene.
Derek: “Been fixing the table”
Kev: “yeah”
Derek “Yeah”
IT IS UNHINDERED BY SOCIETAL LIMITATIONS
Cut to Kev making himself comfortable in one of the chairs.
Kev: “What a night”
OR INDIVIDUAL MORALITY
Cut to Dougie working.
Dougie: “Not really bothered Kev”
Cut back to Kev in the chair adjusting his glasses.
Kev: “She was relentless”
Cut back to Dougie working.
Dougie: “yeah…keep it yourself..eh?”
Cut to Kev turning to Derek.
Kev: “Managed to get on top at one point Derek…imaging that…”
IT IS FREED OF HUMAN INHIBITION
There was a young American porn actress who had a porn name of ‘Pavlov’s Whore’. Her early films show her as quite a chubby girl, but as she became more into the scene, she lost a lot of weight and a lot of her inhibitions. She seemed to be into virtually anything. I do not really know her story. I hope it is not too horrific.
Cut to Derek shaking his head.
IT HAS ACHIEVED A DYSTOPIAN STATE
Cut to Kev, then Cut to Dougie
Dougie: “Derek, don’t ask him any questions”
Cut back to Derek.
Kev: “hand pump after hand pump after hand pump after hand pump”
OF ‘BEING ABLE TO BE INTO WHAT YOU’RE INTO’
Cut to needle on spinning record.
Amy McDonald starts to sing ‘Dancing in the Dark”
YOU CAN’T START A FIRE WITHOUT A SPARK
The Bruce Springsteen song where I have always misinterpreted the line ‘I could use just a little help’ as ‘I could use just a little head’, which has made me consider this song as about oral sex as foreplay for decades. I have a gutter mind.
Cut to Amy McDonald playing the guitar and singing superimposed against the sky in front of which stands Missy as before.
THE LAST THING CONSTABLE BLACK SAID TO ME WAS…
I’M SUPPOSED TO KEEP THE PEACE
IF I LET PEOPLE ACT INDECENTLY ON THE BEACH
I’M READING THE WRONG MANUAL
Hypocrite.
WHEREVER THERE IS A MAN WHO EXERCISES AUTHORITY, THERE IS A MAN WHO RESISTS AUTHORITY – OSCAR WILDE
Missy turns her back on us while Amy continues to sing.
CREDITS
The view of the sky changes as the camera is now no longer on the floor looking up at Missy. Amy is still superimposed, but now we see her crouching then standing on a deck. The camera moves around her body. The cameraman is keen to capture all of it. His hand moves up and touches her shoulder, then he loops his hand round her neck to touch her left breast. The camera is transferred to Missy’s hand as he circles her, before reaching up to stroke her left breast as before.
A FETISH IS AS PSYCHOLOGICAL AS IT IS PHYSICAL & SEXUAL
IT IS A DESIRE TO GET DEEP INSIDE THE MIND OF THE OBSESSION, AS YOU ARE INSIDE ITS BODY
HYPOCRISY SERVES AS AN ALIBI FOR AN UNACCEPTABLE FETISH
He circles the nipple of the left breast gently
Amen.
I really loved this film. I looked up the title and found a website owned by Gemini, so I guess that is where your title came from. I like the new look to your website too by the way.
Also…I have put a pdf of this review in the broken comms folder for your records.
I get that it is wrong for society to be judgemental on how we look, but that is evolution at play and part of our (particularly male) traits. I believe it is why men consume so much porn. We are so easily stimulated by visual cues than any other sense. We can try and ban it, but I think it is dangerous for societies to try and with-hold or ban nudity. I assume it is because there is a misunderstanding that it is required to make men control themselves. I think it works the other way around. That men become less interested in nudity when it is commonplace, but incredibly turned on when it isn’t. I once read about a long distance female runner who ran across the world. When she entered some Middle Eastern countries, she had to endure men openly masturbating on the side of the road as she passed. They had never seen a woman running in a vest and shorts before. Though I cannot verify the validity of that story, as a quick google search found nothing about it.
The nudity in your videos is rarely sexualised. It happens of course. In this video you are gently touched by a male hand, and that is sexualisation personified. The images of you having sex are of course sexualised completely as are some more suggestive shots such as suncream falling on your body etc.
I suggest you continue. For the sake of art obviously. And because, believe it or not, most men can control themselves.