What I'm on about:
I'm Missy Jubilee and I am an artist and film maker. And I am dedicated to the erotic beauty of female sexuality & the intellectual process behind it.
I am always trying to find the poetry and beauty in its erotic essence, and then translating it as art into the world of film.
My chosen artistic specialty is erotica, and my subject is myself - since I'm always available, I turn up to shoots on time and I'm cheap (in a production cost sense) .
I want my erotica to appeal to thinking men and women. People with class, intelligence & taste. People who are sick of the same old porn that gets dished up as acceptable to an evolved & sophisticated audience.
Just making porn more hardcore, more explicit, more gross is not improving it or evolving it. It is a comment on the porn industry that they have run out of ideas. That they have no imagination.
I haven't run out of ideas or imagination. I haven't even started.
Who am I
The what is easy. I am a multi-disciplinary digital artist, film maker, visual addict, sound sculptor, photographer, experimental writer and naked professional.
The who, not so much.
Am I normal or abnormal? The meaning of those words for me is very personal and subjective. So you judge.
In one paragraph, I would describe myself as:
A woman unfortunately born with a man's brain and attitude to sex, constantly drunk on testosterone, I therefore I don't know my place in polite society. I am 31 years old, a loner who has been happily married for 8 years. I live intensely and I am: a hater of the mundane, scared, tough as a bitch, always thirsting for knowledge, weird without boundaries, captivated by bizarre minds, fucked in the head, elusive in my skin which I use to become invisible in my weakest moments, flawed, broken, different, if only because I'm probably the maddest person in the room at any one time. I am an artist who has something to say, and I am oblivious enough to think that people might be interested to hear it.
Oh, and I also want to change the porn industry.
So I'm starting with myself.
I've come to realise I will never fit in - so I had better be quiet, or howl at the moon. I have chosen howling. And I'm doing something constructive & creative about my 'problem'.
I am committing myself to being Missy Jubilee, the artist - documenting Missy Jubilee, the weirdo outsider who never felt she belonged anywhere because I didn't think normal thoughts about sex.
This is a twelve year project that I have embarked on to document my past, present and future sexuality and thinking over a total of 250 serialised short films. That is one short film per week for a very long time. But I've got a lot to unpack.
In these instalments, I will explore the 10% of my sexual personality that the other 'nice girl' 90% of my personality and society has repressed since I was 12 years old. Nice girls don't......(insert god knows how many rules here).
I want this to be a release of all the shame, of being labelled and controlled by exclusion, a peeling back all the fake additions I've scarred myself with - in an attempt to never be wrong in the eyes of society and to fit in.
All I seek is creative judgment. Is this body of work good?. Is it original?. Does it approach sexuality creatively. Does it talk to you?. Can you see into my head when you watch my films?. Did you get to see my sexual insanity up close? Did it get you to react?......not by using cheap porn techniques of harder, bigger and wider, but by making you think?.
I hope so.
As Andy Warhol once said - 'success is doing what you like, doing it well, and to the best of your ability. Everything else is reaction - either towards you, or away from you".
As an artist, I believe that if you're going to do something - do it well, do it in an original way - but also, make it truthful. Brutally, honestly and uncomfortably truthful is my thing.
This is what I hope I have achieved to date.
My Space in the World:
My goal is to communicate my 10% sexual persona to you artistically as a form of self help therapy so that I might understand myself better and create some sexual healing between the two warring parts of my personality. I hope you can join me on my journey and help me figure out why I am who I am.
With regard to the content of my photos and videos. I'm all about engaging the mind, since I believe it is the largest sexual organ of the body, and the most powerful sexual motivator. For me, sex is 80% in the head. However, if my work invokes a physical reaction, male or female, it is the highest compliment that you could pay me as an artist. As Tom Waits sang "An erection wins the election"
The videos are based on events, or fantasies that obsess my mind and thinking - or occasionally they're just fun sexy videos with a simple insight into me to relieve the exhaustion of putting so much of my hidden self out there for judgment.
The vision is either actual from the event, or a re-creation of the event since there wasn't a camera handy at the time. I must give credit for the footage in the videos to my husband who is the director & cinematographer. He gives me amazing footage to work with. Everything else is me - directing, editing, sound design and the narratives. Dis grrrrl gits buszyyy (I don't know why, but sometimes I speak in the character ofa black female rapper from Jamaica with big ole titties named MzzzE. I will have to look into that).
There is nothing fake about the narratives. They are uncomfortably real. For me anyway.
Learning the truth about someone has always turned me on more than fiction. And the intelligent and thorough study of my sexual motivations is what keeps me excited about what I do. Hopefully I have created something that constructive, honest, and personal. And interesting.
Erotica vs Porn:
"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want." Ben Stein
I try to create beautiful erotica, not cheesy porn. Personally, I don't like contemporary porn; not because it's immoral, or exploitative, or unhealthy - which most of it is - it's just that most of it is ugly & badly made.
I prioritise high production values, striking imagery, stunning unknown music, revealing autobiographical narratives and the occasional dollop of my own very weird sense of humour.
I do what I do because I believe the world needs more beautiful erotic imagery to overshadow the shallow porn that proliferates on the internet, and because I want to explore the female sexual process and thinking.
But I understand what I do is not going to be everyone's cup of tea. Luckily, if you're not into my approach to porn, you're well catered for elsewhere.
If you want to give what I do a name - somedays I call it 'handmade truthful narrative erotica' - other days I call it 'erotic art with bass arse beats to pussificate your deviant mind'. Depends what sort of mood I'm in.
If you want to get in my head and know how I think, please check out my videos - there are lots of uncomfortable truths being communicated consciously and sub-consciously about myself to you - and my videos are how I communicate and explore this personality honestly & without shame or embarrassment.
Why am I doing this?
If you're thinking I'm doing this because I want to find a man, a boyfriend, a husband, a lover., a career. I'm not.
I am happily married, and have been for 8 years. I don't sleep around and I am monogamous because - both my husband and I believe - when you commit to something, you don't take it lightly because it is your word. It is your contract with the Universe. I feel that about my marriage. I feel that about this project.
So I do not have to do this project. I want to do this project. It will make me a better human being, at least more comfortable with society and my place in it. It will probably be easier for society as well because I'll be less annoying.
For all the past, present and future questioners, I am not, have never been, and do not want to be a porn actress - not that I've got anything against porn actresses.
It's just that I have a great job and a great career doing normal stuff that I really love. This is me being me, painting a canvas with my obsessions and fantasies, and then putting them into the public domain, instead of hiding and repressing them like I have for the last 28 years.
I'm 33 now and I'm sick of denying this part of me - and living in fear of someone finding out who I really am, how I think, who I've been and how fucked up I am.
There is a lot that needs to come out into the sunlight. I refuse to live scared anymore.
I'm a writer. And a listener. And I want other intelligent people who have interesting things to share about sexuality to be a part of an unique experiment in erotica and the art of the mind.
I encourage you to download my photos and share my art - I would be honoured if you did. That is what it is there for. Same for the films
The links of internet loveliness