Missy Jubilee 218 FEELOSOPHY
Missy Jubilee 218 FEELOSOPHY

‘FEELOSOPHY’ is a film about the weirdness of intimacy, and bridging divides

Children’s book author Dr Suess once said “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love”

This film is set in 2014

It was a time of great weirdness

It was a time for decisions to be made

It was a time when I would sit and write

Write myself letters
Pages and pages
With flight

This was my way
Of flying
This was my way
To leave it all behind
Like a cheap roundabout

I felt
A long
Way from

Damned bridges


(The capacity to be weird with someone, and them be okay with that)


Crescent Head Australia
3rd July 2014
(six days before my 33rd birthday)


I hope you never have to think about anything
as much as I think about everything

I’m so afraid of losing anything I love,
that I refuse to love anything

The feelings that hurt most, and the emotions that sting,
are those that are so absurd

The longing for impossible things,
precisely because they are impossible

Nostalgia for what never was

The desire for what could have been

Regret over not being someone else

Dissatisfaction with your existence in the universe

All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness
create a bumpy landscape with an eternal sunset

The only calibration that counts
is how much heart people invest in their vulnerability,
and how much they ignore their fears of being hurt

Nothing else really counts at all


Eventually everything you love
is going to be taken away

And you will fall to the floor crying

But there’s an element of the ridiculous to it

You always knew it would happen

And, even worse, while you’re on the floor crying,
you look at the place where the wall meets the floor,
and you realize you didn’t paint it very well


Marry, and you will regret it
Don’t marry, you will also regret it

Trust someone, you will regret it
Trust someone not, you will also regret it

This duality gentlemen, is why feelosophy is so weird

Life is like…

I suppose a happy life is like a pie chart

In the end, you look back on your life
and hopeully see that the largest piece of it was love

The problems, the breakups, the sadness,
those will be there too,
but just smaller slivers of tiny pieces

Unfortunately, sensitive people either love deeply,
or they regret deeply

There really is no middle ground
because they live in passionate extremes

Maybe all one can do in that situation,
is hope to end up with the right regrets

We all have that person we lost,
who we’d like to say thank you to before we die

Because then, hopefully
this thing we call an lived experience will resolve


There is a crucial age when a women begins to regret
having stayed faithful to a partner she never really loved

It is when the glowing sunset colors of her beauty
offer her one last, urgent choice
between maternal and feminine love

At such a moment
a life that seemed to have chosen its course long ago
is questioned

For that last time
the magic compass needle of the will
hovers between final resignation and hope

But hope is a mysterious arrangement
of merciless logic for a futile purpose

Then there is that awkward procedure
of getting to unknow each other


Over the last couple of years,
the photos of me when I was a little girl…
well, they’ve started to give me pangs

Not unhappiness, exactly,
but some kind of quiet, deep regret…

I keep wanting to apologize to the little girl

‘I’m sorry, I let you down
I was the person who was supposed to look after you’

‘But I blew it’

‘I made wrong decisions at bad times,
and I turned you into me’


Over the years, I’ve lodged that little girl in the permanent past

I put her on ice,
stuffed her with memories and mothballs

I’d dust her off from time to time,
and then put her back on the mantelpiece

All I was likely to discover at this point,
was just how distant were the paths we’d taken


When you start thinking about what your life was like 10 years ago,
it’s disturbing to realize how certain elements of your being
are now completely dead

They die long before you do

It’s astonishing to consider all the things from your past
that used to happen all the time

But now they never happen anymore

Or they never even cross your mind

It’s almost like those things didn’t happen

Or maybe it seems like they just happened to someone else

To someone you didn’t really know

Someone whose path crossed with yours momentarily

And now you can’t even remember their name

But I wouldn’t have missed a single minute of it

Not for the whole world