by producer Alan Rogers in London
Clearly a word play on extortion (noun): ‘the act of obtaining something, especially money, through force or threats.’
The journey you have catalogued (in your 200 plus films) contain many bumps in the road. You appeared to set out to tell the story of a sexual revolutionist. But you have been interrupted rudely at times, and quite rightly feel strongly enough to take the odd detour off of that roadmap.
Sometimes the detour has been to highlight the death of a hero, or to experiment with different genre’s.
Most recently it has been with argumentative media providers banning you from their platforms.
However, this is new territory. You appear to have been called to court over a huge sum of money apparently owed.
This therefore is a film about threats (the nature of which is never revealed, only the huge sum of money that is involved), and the appropriateness of response (which appears to be a song containing the line ‘I’m a ruin you cunt’).
Another day in the life of Ms Jubilee.
TITLES
Bass lines. Girl starts singing. Don’t know the song
Beach scene. Girl in lingerie dancing on the sand. Is that Missy? The aspect is distorted and the colours are intentionally bleached with slightly grainy resolution. This could be Missy, as the scene and colours fit. But as the screen pulls back we see two men buried up to their necks with the tide coming in fast. Girl who is obviously not Missy dances away,
Man talking: “You know that scene in the Simpsons where Sideshow Bob steps on a bunch of rakes.?”
Cut to scene from the Simpsons showing sideshow bob stepping on rakes. Sideshow bob moans as he gets smacked in the face.
THIS IS A FILM ABOUT THAT
Music starts;
Close up of skin. Camera travels along the skin, but it is not clear which part of the anatomy is in focus until the camera pulls away and we see a navel.
CASE: X-7979-9090.DHR MISSY JUBILEE
FINAL LETTER
DEAR MS. JUBILEE,
IN THIS MATTER, I REFER TO THE PREVIOUS CORRESPONDENCE
ALSO ON OUR SECOND REMINDER, WE DID NOT RECEIVE ANY PAYMENT FROM YOU OR YOUR CORPORATE PARTNERS.
THEREFORE, WE ARE NOW FORCED TO PREPARE A LAWSUIT, WHICH WILL BE FILED IN THE DISTRICT COURT OF BERLIN SINCE THIS COURT IS ALSO LOCALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CASE.
SHOULD YOU SUSPECT THAT WE CANNOT ENFORCE A VERDICT IN PANAMA EVEN IN THE EVENT OF A SUCCESSFUL TRIAL, I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT THE BORDERS DO NOT STOP THE LEGAL PROCESS.
HOWEVER, THE COSTS OCCURRING IN SUCH EVENT WILL BE MUCH HIGHER FOR YOU IN CASE WE HAVE TO INVOLVE OUR INTERNATIONAL PARTNERS.
BEAR IN MIND THAT SINCE MY PREVIOUS LETTER, YOU ARE STILL IN DEFAULT AND ADDITIONAL COSTS IN THE AMOUNT OF 5% ABOVE THE BASIC INTEREST RATE PUBLISHED IN THE GERMAN FEDERAL GAZETTE BY THE GERMAN CENTRAL BANK CONTINUE TO ARISE DAILY.
YOU SHALL TRANSFER THE PAYMENT OF OUR REQUESTED DAMAGES AND COSTS IN THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF 40,000,531 EUR, INCLUDING THE INTEREST OF 9,200,000 EUR TO THE ACCOUNT DESIGNATED ABOVE
THIS WIL HOLD MY MULTI-NATIONAL CLIENT BACK FROM STARTING THE LAWSUIT.
OTHERWISE, SHOULD THE COURT DECIDE IN OUR FAVOUR, YOU WILL BE SENTENCED TO PROCESS COSTS IN THE AMOUNT UP TO 13,105,000 EUR IN ADDITION TO THE OUTSTANDING BALANCE.
IN COURT, WE ARE GOING TO CLAIM THE FOLLOWING AMOUNTS:
DAMAGES 40,000,531 EUR
INTEREST DAMAGES 9,200,000 EUR
DOCUMENTATION COSTS 395,000 EUR
LEGAL FEES 780,000 EUR
GRAND TOTAL 50,375,531 EUR
SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO SETTLE OUT OF COURT, PLEASE INCLUDE THE CASE NUMBER IN THE TITLE OF THE TRANSFER FOR US TO IDENTIFY THE PAYMENT. THIS WILL ALSO ALLOW US TO SEND YOU A CONFIRMATION OF THE SETTLEMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
WE HOPE THAT A LAWSUIT CAN BE PREVENTED AT THE LAST MINUTE AND WE WILL HELP YOU WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
RECHTSANWALT ROBERT FECHNER
FECHNER LEGAL
FRIDRICHSTRASSE 95
10117 BERLIN
That is quite a claim. We of course, have no idea whether such a claim could hold any grounds, or indeed the basis for the claim. The figures quoted are telephone number figures, that are not settled by individuals, but are claimed between corporations, so this letter feels alien to most of us.
We can now see that the camera is being wielded by Missy and she is recording her own naked body whilst sitting cross legged on her porch. She is wearing nothing but a collar, as she touches her fingers to her lips. The colour palette is predominantly orange.
NO POET EVER INTERPRETED SEX
AS FREELY AS LAWYERS INTERPRET THE TRUTH
-JEAN GIRAUDOUX
Lawyers are slippery at best. Law (and Economics) students are the renowned in the University Invigilator world as the students most likely to cheat at exams. Their work is not a coal face. It is a pinball machine where they gamble reputations and livelihoods on the flight of a pinball bouncing around abstract laws while they franticly punch the paddle buttons to keep the ball in motion. When the ball is lost, they sigh and pull the lever to load another one.
Cut to cartoon drawings which are abstract in design.
Singer: “Here in this place….we are flesh…”
WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT ME?
IS IT MY BREASTS?
The drawing shows two wheels as breasts on an armless and headless torso.
“Flesh that weeps….that laughs…dances barefoot in the grass”
IS IT MY LIPS?
The drawing shows a pair of lips singing.
YOU LIKE ABOUT ME?
“Love your flesh”
The drawing shows an outline of a woman’s body with circular patterns where her breasts would be and a heart where her vagina would be.
Cut to woman’s head which is made up of wheels and patterns. Quite Picasso.
OOH?
This makes me wonder about why you have included the cartoon in this film. Or indeed any nudity as at the beginning.
My first thought is that you intended to include a nude scene as most of your films contain at least one, and it keeps the ‘punters happy’.
My second thought is that you included the cartoon as a way of saying ‘why the fuck should I show anything?’ This is not a film about sex. This is not even a film about how sex sells. This is a film about threats.
In that sense I agree with you.
Cut to courtroom scene.
The following words are read to us by computer.
LAWYERS OF REDDIT, WHATS THE MOST RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT YOU’VE HEARD IN COURT?
Static dark picture whilst we read the following.
AS A CORPORATE LAWYER, THE MOST RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT I COME ACROSS ALMOST MONTHLY IS AS FOLLOWS: FORTUNE 500 SIGNS A GARBAGE CONTRACT AND IS GOING TO LOSE A LOT OF MONEY DUE TO THE PLAIN LANGUAGE OF THAT CONTRACT; FORTUNE 500 COMPANY ARGUES UNCONSIONABILITY — SPECIFICALLY THAT SAID COMPANY WAS NOT SOPHISTICATED ENOUGH TO READ THE CONTRACT AND NO REASONABLE PERSON WEOULD EVER AGREE TO THE TERM OR TERMS IN DISPUTE.
IN SUM, MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR FIRMS CLAIMING THEY’RE INCAPABLE OF READING CONTRACTS.
Reddit has some useful info on it. But some rubbish too. Like all things on the internet, the information should be fact-checked before belief. That said. It is not clear (again) why you have included this information. It may be to say that you believe the claim against you has no foundation due to terms and conditions that have been misinterpreted by the German Lawyers. Or it may be that your party is arguing unconsionability but you are clearly not a multi-billion dollar firm.
Cut to music video with Azalia Banks singing ‘212’ in black and white. Occasionally she sings into the left ear of a nodding boy, or dances with another boy, but it is predominantly a video of the Azelia singing in front of a bare brick wall with occasional close ups of her lips.
DEAR MS. JUBILEE,
DUE TO YOUR UNCOOPERATIVE BEHAVIOUR, YOU LEFT US NO CHOICE BUT TO PURSUE FURTHER LEGAL PROCEEDINGS.
IF YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED IN COMING TO AN AGREEMENT OUTSIDE OF COURT, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
ONCE LETTERS ARE AT COURT, FURTHER COSTS CANNOT BE AVOIDED.
KIND REGARDS,
RECHTSANWALT ROBERT FECHNER
FECHNER LEGAL
THOSE WHO CAN REALLY DO WHAT THEY PROMISE TO DO
DON’T FIRST PAUSE TO PROMISE TO DO WHAT THEY CAN DO
-FABLES VOL.18
I’M A RUDE BITCH, NIGGA, WHAT ARE YOU MADE UP OF?
I’M GONNA EAT YOUR FOOD UP BOO
AND WON’T NOBODY BE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF, YEAH
WHAT YOU GON’ DO WHEN I APPEAR?
W-W-WHEN I PREMIERE?
THIS SHIT BE MINE
I’M GONNA RUIN YOU CUNT
AZALIA BANKS | THE 212
CREDITS
I’MA RUIN YOU CUNT
CREDITS
I’MA RUIN YOU CUNT
CREDITS
AYO
CREDITS
TALL TALE
CREDITS
MADE SOME
CREDITS
NAME SOON
CREDITS
MINE
MINE
CREDITS
MINE
MINE
CREDITS
WHAT’S THE RUN DUDE?
CREDITS
KEEP HATIN’
CREDITS
SOMETIMES A SONG SAYS ALL YOU NEED TO SAY
EPILOGUE:
A COMMENTARY ON MULTI-NATIONAL FILM COMPANY CEO’S
Cut to a man talking in a pink lit room. It looks like a YouTube video due to the jump cuts of the man talking (which is popular on that platform (as content makers remove the ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’ of everyday speech to make the dialogue pop and reduce the film size). In this case it is to create a dialogue that is useful to the subject.
“Ive got to cut it off here.”
“But I want to address the elephant in the room here”
“The Emperor has no clothes”
“This is somewhat because we have trouble accepting someone with so many resources could be foolish enough to make so many mistakes”
“We would all prefer that there are evil masterminds at the wheel than dummies at the wheel”
“I think the reality is pretty clear though. He just assumed he could do this”
“There is no secret master plan”
“It would literally be better off. If a rock with googly eyes were made CEO”
Cut to shot off a pair of rocks on a mountain ledge of a barren landscape. It looks hot. Classical Music plays.
Rock 1: “Oh good. You’re here too.”
Rock 2: “I’m sorry about ruining everything – “
Rock 1: “Shhhh.”
Rock 1: “ You don’t have to worry about that here.”
Rock1: “Just be a rock.”
Rock 2: “I just feel so stupid – “
Rock 1: “God! Please. We’re all stupid!”
Rock 1: “Small, stupid humans. It’s like our whole deal.”
Rock 1: “ha ha ha ha”
Rock 2: “ha ha ha ha”
Silence
Rock 1: “fuck.”
Rock 2: “What’s wrong?”
Rock 1: “I’ve been trapped like this for so long…”
Rock 1: “experiencing everything…”
Rock 1: “I was hoping you would see something I didn’t…”
Rock 1: “that you would convince me there was another way.”
Rock 2: “What are you talking about?”
Both rocks fall off the cliff ledge as it gives way. The rocks have ‘googly’ eyes on them.
Sound of woman crying.
There is of course much more to this story than you have told. It feels like a lash out. I do not know your circumstances. I have followed only you through your films. The cast of thousands you list in your credits may have more helpful advice here.
I do know that threats are never good. That lawyers only respect other lawyers. I sincerely hope this matter is resolved soon and in your favour.
x
A
London, England