How wonderful your movies are. Open, honest, seeking answers, and also beautifully constructed pieces of art. Your formula really works: naked, sexually open soulful woman, visually artistic photography and editing, great, somewhat eclectic music tracks, and terrific scripting with competent poetic lines of free-flow thought. Really classy and enthralling.
And I think that you are deeply unhappy.
And I consider the possibility that you are trying to reconcile that which can't be reconciled:
You ought to be able to walk around free and naked (and to some extent you can, like at nudist colonies and beaches etc). And you ought to be able to freely express your sexuality (and to some extent you can, if you become a porn artist or prostitute). But society still puts you out on the fringe if you pursue those activities, and so are your folks.
And you are an outcast, but you know your parents really love you, and I suspect you really love them.
And it is making you unhappy because you can't be true to yourself.
And Missy, you want to make 200 films, but have you committed to 200 films about your struggle with your sexuality? Or 'just' 200 films? These can be transformative. Silly me, that's what the whole project is about!!
Because if you make a film say every 2 months, that's 6 a year, which seems a lot to me. And with approx 150 to go, that is 25 years!! And you'll be about 58 when you finally finish your project.
Now I reckon a 50+ year old woman can be beautiful, but has a different type of sexual appeal to a 30+ year old. And perhaps you'll be happy to continue to artistically express your sexuality in your 6th decade, and actually I believe it would be a wonderful longitudinal study and I'm sure your work would become widely acclaimed as a great work of art.
I actually hope you achieve your goal but I would love to see you transform from feeling shamefully guilty (not a Catholic by any chance are you?), to finding your real self and your peaceful joyful inner being.
I actually feel your project has nothing much to do with my life, but I am sort of involved!
My struggle is with personal insecurities, which undoubtedly also have a sexual component (which your project is forcing me to look at), but also significantly about the impending collapse of civilisation.
Your project is a fascinating and beautiful diversion.