A personal take on service sub-culture

Collected Conversations with Waiters over 10 years

Part One

To me, waiters are a great resource for lines for a movie. I rate them on the irony looking for a punchline they throw out between courses. The best give great material for a writer. The others deliver food

Conversation One: Blessed Be The Flowers

Me: What is that flower?
Waiter: Jasmine. Have you smelled Jasmine?
Me: I don't think so
Waiter: I can’t believe you’ve never smelled Jasmine
Me: I don’t know, maybe I have. I have a short memory when it comes to smelling flowers

Conversation Two. The Coming Delusion
A conversation with a waiter when my date went to the bathroom

Waiter: Do you know where you stand with him?. 
Me: No
Waiter: Do you think he knows where he stands with you. Cause he doesn’t.


Me: Sexually?
Waiter: There’s a lot of circling going on. I've been watching
Me: Not from me. 
Waiter: But there is with him. Like Christmases
Me: What?
Waiter: Christmases.  As in all his Christmases coming true
Me: I don’t think so. I doubt that.
Waiter: Yep, all lined up across the horizon of the North Pole
Me: I’m a South Pole Christmas kind of girl

Conversation Three: The Furious Silence

Waiter: You're both writing while you're eating. Are you two a couple?
Me: Mainly in writing
Waiter: Just in writing?
Me: Mostly paragraphs. Sometimes single sentences

Conversation Four: The Sounds of My Boring Life

Waiter: Do you want some bread?
Me: I hate bread
Waiter: Well, you can torture it if you like
Me: I'll have some bread