For ten years, project producer Alan Rogers has been doing a first impression breakdown of each film prior to release. This ‘first watch’ commentary provides me with ‘fresh eyes’ and invaluable feedback on continuity and messaging that helps me finesse my message for each film. What you are reading are his thoughts, and his stream of consciousness, on each film as he watches it. My thanks always to Alan for helping me a better, more precise writer.

Today I made time stop. Not literally of course, that would be impossible.

But I guaranteed myself a few hours peace to push my brain into neutral and freewheel for a while.

I have no heroic, or particularly interesting tale to tell of what has kept me away from the keyboard.

Stuff happened. Let’s leave it at there.  Your life is so much more interesting and exciting.

So I come to this film without much forethought; which is either a very good thing, or a terrible way of starting a new phase. Time will tell. Anyways I am going to have my pause button ready to comment as I go along:

THIS IS A STORY IN TWO PARTS

Classic Missy start. Not seen this clip before, sums up my life lately.

‘You are er..er..a woman’ 

‘Hmm, hmm’

LOL

FILM NO.186 IS THE CONCISE NARRATIVE

This clip is about beauty within the eye of the beholder. 

I think I am very ugly. I have been told I am by several people and I believe them. However my son is considered very handsome and has been told so by many many people. People also say my son looks like me. This is an equation I cannot solve.

FILM NO.187 IS THE DEEPER THEMATIC EXPLORATION

IT EXAMINES THE ORIGINS AND CONSEQUENCES OF THE CONCISE STORY

This sounds like a Missy mindfuck. Hand me my bib I want a plateful.

IF YOU’RE FAMILIAR WITH THE RUSSIAN NESTING DOLLS, IT’S LIKE THAT.

Or maybe inception?

TITLES

The strip club scene is weird. I have never been in one. Truthfully. But they look awful.

When I was a young man, there were pubs around the East End that had strippers.  I confess to going to some in my single days.

These usually involved skinny women genuinely likely to be young Mum’s, clearly hating what they did, removing their clothes in a synchronized but frankly unerotic way to around 3 songs such that the final piece (usually the knickers) were removed about 30 seconds before the last song ended.

The songs were probably about 3 mins long making the whole act just about 10 mins of excruciating embarrassment to all involved (except a small bunch of hardened perverts at the front).  

The girls would invariably choose someone’s beer glass to dip their tits into. If they were not so endowed to do this then something would almost certainly be inserted into the vagina as a way of compensation.

Unless said vagina was already occupied as evidenced by the little string hanging from it. All in all a sad and quite seedy scenario. But these were different times and titivation was not so readily available to the young men of London without frequenting such establishments or worse.

So incredibly, they did arouse… and we all had to pretend that it didn’t.

My second observation is that the woman in the glass appears to be pouring glitter over herself. I cannot think of anything worse. She’ll be finding that for months. At least she appears to be wearing knickers and a shower cap.

Cut to you standing naked in a bath.

WHEN TRUTH IS REPLACED BY SILENCE

THE SILENCE IS A LIE

Interesting thought.

That assumes the logic that anything that replaces truth is not the truth ergo a lie.

But silence is the absence of noise and an abstract state which cannot be viewed in the same manner as logic.

I also note you have a Jacuzzi bath. I had one of those. You have to keep the pipes clean though. Wish I still had it. Getting jealous watching you enjoy the bubbles.

AND A LIE THAT IS HALF-TRUTH

IS THE DEEPEST OF ALL LIES

Not sure where you are going with that. Are you referencing something specific?

I am also wondering how you filmed this scene. I see no selfie stick, which infers you were holding the camera in your right hand. But you bought the camera angle from behind to in front of you before lowering yourself into the bath.

The Jacuzzi was not on when you looked down between your breasts, but is on when you are in the tub causing  a swirl of bubbles around you. Nice camera work Missy.

BUT YOU CAN’T MAKE PEOPLE LISTEN

THEY HAVE TO COME ROUND IN THEIR OWN TIME

That tub is getting full. You need to stop filling it now. It’s full. You must be wasting water down the overflow.

TRUST, LIKE WATER, DOESN’T LIE

I am not going to try and pick that one apart. I think you must be referring to a specific event that is going to become apparent at some point.

In the meantime we are treated to a warm (the windows are steamed up, and you are a nice rosy pink)  naked Missy relaxing in the bath. Though you do look a little fed-up to be honest.

BUT PEOPLE DO

People are notoriously unreliable.

AND THEN THEY WONDER WHAT HAPPENED

AND WHY THE WHOLE WORLD BLEW UP AROUND THEM

This is a great film. I like the creativity you have put into the camera work. The underwater shots are amazing. I hope you are proud of them.

THINGS COME APART SO EASILY

Relationships falter and can be easily destroyed. People change. Attitudes (society) changes. 

WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN HELD TOGETHER WITH FABRICATIONS.

Is this your bathroom? It is amazing! I am starting to notice the fittings now. Is that weird? That is one hell of a bathroom. Plus the distraction of you in it makes the calculation of what you are trying to convey, very difficult indeed.

IT IS A DEEP PAIN WELL-EARNED

WHILE TINKERING WITH A MIND

Whose mind? Yours? A friends? A Relatives?

UNDERNEATH A BUBBLING FALSE-HOOD

FUCKING ABOUT WITH CHEMISTRY

Chemicals can alter perceptions, memories, and states. Given the right formula, a chemist can change the world. What responsibility!

RE-ARRANGING THE ELEMENTS OF A MIND BODY & SOUL

Ah. Is this about your recent sojourn? Are you reset?

SO THEY DON’T RECOGNISE EACH OTHER ANY MORE

BY NAME OR NATURE

Age is a chemical process.

I BECAME A STRANGER TO MYSELF

Although we do not see what you see, I note the close up of your eye as you make this point.

AS I BECAME TWO PEOPLE

And the selfie in the mirror as you make this point.

EACH ONE SEPARATED

You have added some bubble bath. Nice.

AS IF AT DIFFERENT DEPTHS

PARTICLES IN THE SAME WATER

You immerse yourself. Literally. I do that in a bath. I find the silence underwater cathartic. I try and keep just my nose above water so I can breathe. But that normally means my mouth and chin are out too. Which spoils the effect I am after.

PASSING BY EACH OTHER UNKNOWN

We have chatted about the fact that we all have different masks to wear for different people before. I think this is deeper than that. I think that you are trying to convey the feeling of looking back on a former self and not recognising yourself in that person. Perhaps.

PLAYING BY THE RULES SOMEBODY ELSE SET

I judge rules by looking for the motivation for having them, then weighing up whether I feel they apply to me.

MADE SUCCUMBING TO THE TEMPTATION TO LIE POSSIBLE

AT LEAST, NOT IMPOSSIBLE

I am trying to think of a scenario where it would be impossible to lie.  The truth has to be verifiable, else it is just hypothesis. Therefore a lie has to be verifiable too.

SIN BEING THE CONVENIENT ESCAPE FROM RESPONSIBILITY

Depends. Sin, in itself, has quasi religious connotations, but if we consider it just to mean carrying out practices that society frowns upon (generally over indulgence in anything), then the responsibility we are escaping from will soon come back to bite us.

COMPROMISE AND SURVIVE WAS WHAT I WAS TAUGHT

MY ONLY TRUTH IS FOUND

WHEN I TAP ON THESE COMPUTER KEYS IN MY MIND

FILLING IN THE BLANK SPACES

You are a creator of the highest caliber. I wish I were you.

One my greatest issues is that I have a deep rooted over sensitive humbleness gene. It prevents me from accepting any praise, gratitude or thanks without me feeling that I should have done better or done more. I am constantly sorry. I apologize incessantly. It must be hard living with me. 

I hope you do not relate to that. You need to know how good you are.

TO DE-SPELL MY CONSCIENCE

De-spell?

USING A DRUG INDUCED SEXUAL EUPHORIA

OF A CAMERA HELD AT MY FINGERTIPS

HERE I CANNOT LIE

Another close up of your eye.

THE CAMERA HAS PURPOSE

ART TO DOCUMENT THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF MY CHOICES

There is no such thing as a wrong choice. All choices are made with the best intentions and those intentions can change at a whim. Never retrospectively consider a choice as badly made. We are always wiser after the event.  Poor younger Missy made the best choices she could, and fate laughed out loud and said, “Now there’s something I could work with”.

TO MAKE THEM PALATABLE AS I DROWN

BECAUSE BAD CHOICES CREATE GAPS

IN SOMETHING THAT WAS MEANT TO BE WHOLE

When I said ‘younger Missy’ I mean to say that yesterday you were ‘younger Missy’. In fact this morning you were younger Missy. That is the sad effect of age. We age. 

TO BE CONTINUED

PEOPLE TOLD ME I HAD A DRUG PROBLEM

BUT I NEVER SPILLED ANY

Nice

EACH PAGE OF MY LIFE SEEMED LIKE A METAPHOR

DESCRIBING THE MADNESS OF MY ENCOUNTERS

What grounds us? What brings normalcy to our lives? Beats me.

WITH SELF-DESTRUCTIVE INJURIOUS KAOS

SUCH IS LIFE

CREDITS

We spot your eye peeking through your fingers. The cast listing speaks volumes to me. You reference Max, and I feel this is important. 

GOT SO MUCH TO LOSE. GOT SO MUCH TO PROVE

I note the likeness to the John Everett painting ‘Opehlia’ also referenced by Kylie (Minogue) in Nick Cave’s ‘Where the Wild Roses Grow’. 

This is classic imagery an excellent return to filming, I look forward to part 2.

Love and Best Wishes,

Alan