Missy Jubilee. 062. Nymph. FULL SCRIPT

Infinity

Chapter 1

“Nonresistance is the key to the greatest power in the universe”
1994 I am 14 years old, familial chaos reigns
My parent complex relationship was in a rage
Of matrimonial real talk for the last time
My mother lost her shit
My pain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion & arousal-circuited
I entered mental isolation as my parent separated from themselves, and me

Artistic vignette of my internalised childhood
#1 Abandonment issues
#2 Inappropriate sexual role models
My father moved with his sexy new girlfriend
I just tired of feelings
My father asked if I wanted to live with him & his sexy girlfriend
I guess he took my silence as a no
Because he didn’t ask me to approve of his apocalypticism again
He had a otherwordly grasp of my silent fuck right off
I wanted to be her, I didn’t want to live with her
It was all about power and powerlessness
He would never understand that
No one would. Not even me.
I stayed with my mother instead,
As she dived deep into an obsessive all encompassing
Ocean of clinical depression
Meanwhile, unseen by my parents, I had some stuff going on
#3 Body Issues

Chapter 2: Now you see me, now you don’t
#4 My uncle
He has been mentioned only once in the previous films
Yes thank you for your input
For next 2 years I locked myself in a box called my skin
I became obsessive second time in my life
But no last time
My obsessions are like ether
They slowly crawl under my skin
Inhabiting my conscious imagination
And incubating with in my insecurities
Until they became action based
And then
Impulse eventually overcomes good sense

The first time I became obsessive
I was six years old
I started eating to hide something
And I didn’t stop until I was 14
Fot the next two years, I starved myself
And completely reversed 8 years
of obsessive hiding my skin
Alone in my darkened mind
I sunk to the bottom to feed
And looked around
The sign said — no rules
Sweet deal
Organic

I never spoke to him again
Two years late my uncle would say
‘You are no a fat little kid anymore’
 No i wan’t
I never spoke to him again
I lost weight but I didn’t quieten the monologue of fear I listened to.
It morphed
Shme
It’s not all bad
It can lear to heightened self-consciousness
Apartness, an inability to join in, emotional self loathing
And in my case, excessive risk taking

Without those qualities
I would never have disappeared into
The mad sexual intensities
That made me

This new version of me
Had only one question about shame

How can you make it last?

The self punishment of acting out: The first awareness
Just keep walking away
This could be my territory
This could be where I work best
Forget the past
And slip into something

A SHADE DARKER
1996, A super 16 stroll down memory lane
I was 16 years old I weigh 50 kilos
I look at the world differently it sees my differently
Shame is my constant companion
But an added dimension walks into my life
I become aware of sex & sensibilities
Now when I walk along the beach
For the first time in my life, people notice me
People of the male persuasion
People I didn’t know
People who reminded me of my father & my uncle
$Innocence is in the eye of the beholder
Men would come up to me as I walked
And engage in the smallest of small talk
I noticed one thing I had never seen before
They all saw me with intensity
Because I gave them permission to
I learned about rejection early in my life
And was constantly trying to avoid it
But now I was surrounding it at every opportunity
And taking every opportunity I knew I shouldn’t
In hindsight, all for one reason

To create a memory
I would never wear a bra
So their smiles were always faint & lopsided
Small tells of little thrills
As their eyes moved down my body some
Their body language said
I just want to crash into you

When I would turn
To continue on my way
Their faced would let out
A long sorry sigh

I would grow to love that look

That look of disappointment
For a lost opportunity
That could have been

It was so familiar

In that look
I had created
Some small amount
Of survival
At a molecular level
Now I was
One molecule less
Alone

I began to understand
Why other girls
resist for a moment
Just for that
Sweet look of regret
That was confirmation
I was all
That man wanted
For that
Moment
In time
I wanted to everyman
To think of me
That way

Are you scared?
Scared? I scoffed, of what?
Anything real
Don’t be silly
I am flirting with my thesis
That all men have two qualities
They are judgmental sluts
What the hell kind of degree
Is this anyway?
At this stage in my life
It seems to be a doctorate
In dick tease
But this isn’t me
In my day to day life
I could never find
The courage to talk to boys
Much less tease them
Yet here I was
I had a hidden agenda
And it wasn’t even
Very well hidden
I guess you only tease
The ones you love

‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with’
-Crosby. Stills & Nash

I would learn one important lesson
From this two years of my life
Dangling a carrot in front of a donkey
Or anyone else for that matter
Is not nice and not fair
Unless you eventually plan to give it up to them