Collected Conversations with Waiters over 10 years
To me, waiters are a great resource for lines for a movie. I rate them on the irony looking for a punchline they throw out between courses. The best give great material for a writer. The others deliver food
Conversation One: Blessed Be The Flowers
Me: What is that flower?
Waiter: Jasmine. Have you smelled Jasmine?
Me: I don't think so
Waiter: I can’t believe you’ve never smelled Jasmine
Me: I don’t know, maybe I have. I have a short memory when it comes to smelling flowers
Conversation Two. The Coming Delusion
A conversation with a waiter when my date went to the bathroom
Waiter: Do you know where you stand with him?.
Waiter: Do you think he knows where he stands with you. Cause he doesn’t.
Waiter: There’s a lot of circling going on. I've been watching
Me: Not from me.
Waiter: But there is with him. Like Christmases
Waiter: Christmases. As in all his Christmases coming true
Me: I don’t think so. I doubt that.
Waiter: Yep, all lined up across the horizon of the North Pole
Me: I’m a South Pole Christmas kind of girl
Conversation Three: The Furious Silence
Waiter: You're both writing while you're eating. Are you two a couple?
Me: Mainly in writing
Waiter: Just in writing?
Me: Mostly paragraphs. Sometimes single sentences
Conversation Four: The Sounds of My Boring Life
Waiter: Do you want some bread?
Me: I hate bread
Waiter: Well, you can torture it if you like
Me: I'll have some bread