Missy Jubilee. Fear

9pm first night of filming

Once in a while, put on your girl's face
A film of mine that you can show children without fear of arrest ...shit just got real

8 hours later
This film was shot over 6 consecutive nights with one camera in front of my main reference monitor while I was remixing the soundtrack for this film

There are a lot of sunglasses involved because it is highly sub-optimal working with bright light shining in my face night after night
There is a reason bright lights are used in torture
End of filming 5am first morning
Monsters don't live under my bed. They live in my head. So people say
Don’t. Walk. Dance
"off    "off    "off    "off
The    the    the    the
Wall"    wall"    wall"    wall"
This film features Brodinski live at the boiler room in Berlin
I admire his music & his DJ style, and I also like watching him mix while I mix
He could be the sexiest DJ in the world. Focus group of one
An Appaloosa Duck Production
A Missy Jubilee non-naked film
Episode 40 of 250 of the Future Sex Love Art Projekt
Fear & Consequences
I’m Missy Jubilee. And this is me at work. It's very meta I know
I’m a film maker, artist, experimental writer & sound sculptor
[on t-shirt] peep show princess
As a film maker, my subject is sexuality & the origins of desire
As artists my husband & I are married to a 12 year 250 film projekt to document and un-ravel my secret sexual persona from the age of four to 32 years old as a conceptual art piece
I’m pretty much naked in every film so far except this one
Art naked. Not porn naked. There's a difference Google
Naked as a metaphor for un-self-shamed female sexuality
Before starting in the film industry I wore clothes. True story
I was a DJ and remix producer. This was my music. This was my thing
But now I just do it for me. And the films I make. Like this one

You may have noticed I’m quite animated when I mix
That's because I have no fear of the consequences
I think everyone would do crazy stuff if they didn't...
Fear consequences
I have no fear of the consequences when I create soundscapes
Because I feel. Music. Deep down. Somewhere. It's cathartic
But with the Future Sex Love Art Projekt
So far out on the edge of experimental art film making
Consequences are all I think about when I’m not doing music
The consequences of this project have been personal to date
I may have lost my parents completely. Not to be dramatic
I am estranged from 95% of my friends. It is what it is
My best friend of 30 years said she couldn't be a friend anymore
Positives are, I wouldn't be doing anything else in the world
Our films are studied in universities, art & film schools
Our films are also studied by psychiatrists. I think that's positive
The consequences are what they are. I knew them going in
In truth, the only consequence I fear
Is not completing the 250 films. Every one as honest as hell
Because my life finally has a purpose. Granted. A weird purpose
7 yrs pre-production. 5 yrs filming. 12 yrs of my life. 2 reasons
1. Un-fuck my head 
2. Let all the pretty monsters out
I need to understand who I am and what caused the way I think
And why I carry so much sexual shame around with me
To be
'whatever begins in anger, ends in shame' - Benjamin Franklin
This is what I have to do before I die. Can't go backwards. I’m all in
Because everything I need is on the other side of fear
Note to self, I don't think I’ve done 250 of anything. Except the obvious
Music01/Brodinski DJ set/House of Vans/Boiler Room Berlin
Game over
Music02/Guns n' Roses/Sweet Child o' Mine/Electro mix 2011
Music03/Vintage Culture Remix/In The Air Tonight/Missy Mashup
Try again
Music04/21 Questions/50 Cents/Snbrn Remix
Do I look like a motherfucking role model?
This Is Art
(if you want it to be)
Music04/Get It On Bang A Gong/T.Rex 2012
Music06/Get It On Bang A Gong/Remix 2012
Music07/Mr. Dobalina/Del Tha Funkee Homosapien
Are You Bored?
Music08/Lazyboy/Underwhere Goes Inside The Pants
It is very loud in my head
Ok cool
So there's this boy
Bite me

Soundtrack Remixed By Missy Jubilee

Available for download at www.missyjubilee.com 

Part Two
I was born in 1981 in Australia. I am 33 years old
In 1983, the film Risky Business was released

It would be Tom Cruise's first major Hollywood role
The New York Times said it was 'part satire, part suburban poetry, part shameless showing off'
Many would call it the best film of 1983

I saw this film when I was 8. I don't remember where or how. All I remember is the train scene With tom cruise and the prostitute played by Rebecca DeMornay
Phil Collins 'In The Air Tonight' was used for this scene
I must have watched that scene 1000 times. Everytime. Chills
The desperate untidy depiction of sexuality & desire, the cinematography, the troglodytic lights & exogenic sounds
This scene is why music in films is important to me
That scene made me want to make films. So I could fix me
Hurt people hurt people. Pain patterns get passed on
I want to break that pattern in my family. And in my life
With the only 3 weapons available to me. Film. Music. Honesty
It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness
-Leo Tolstoy, The Kreutzer Sonata
Where is it deluded to say beauty makes whatever inner ugliness that exists much easier to listen & react kindly to
Six nights in the studio
One film
One remix
One soundscape
One music video
Film is my lover. Music is my bitch

Quack me!

Missy Jubilee. 041. Then (NSFW version)

Missy Jubilee. 041. Then. Transcript

I Can’t Forget The Words You Never Said”


 A Short Film By Missy Jubilee

 Episode 41 Of 250 Of The Future Sex Love Art Projekt


 The Post Pussification Of A Deviant Mind

 20th September 2014 Home

 I Went To A Very Dark Place Then

 I Have Just Come Back Now

 And I Made That Film Called This In Ten Minutes That’s About Back Then

 I Understand Where I Went To A Moment In Time And I Lived In That Moment Again For A

 Long Collection Of Moments Like I Have All My Life From The Inside Out

 It Was A Tormented Moment Where My Brain Broke Way Back Then And The Universe

 Cracked In Sympathy

 Cause Why Try Any More With Your Brain All Broken Because You Didn’t Fight Back

 Against The Shame

 I Recognized I Had Seen It


 This Place

 Two Times Before Back Then

 But This Time This Third Time I Fought Back Possessed Like I Didn’t Back Then

 But You Walked In Front Of My Possession When I Asked My Mother To Take

 Responsibility For Her Words When I Was 12

 But She Wouldn’t And You Wouldn’t Because You Wouldn’t Be Her

 And This Time It Wasn’t Going To Be Ok Again

 I Wasn't Going Down One More Time For The Rest Of My Life Alone Again

 My Learned Patterns Rotting My Brain All This Time Ignited By The Sound Of An

 Elephant’s Back Breaking With The Last Straw You Piled On

 Waking A Butterfly In The Amazon And Chaos Theory Knocked On My Door

 Hello Little Miss Insane She Said

 A Delivery From Amazon Prime A Word For Your Ear

 My Dear Just Some Of That Same Old Pain Again

 Something Unfair Said Once Again Without The Touch Of Love Or Sympathy Or

 Compassion By My Mother Through You To Me

 That Broke Me That Time Then Back Then

 So This Time Ii Had To Break Her Power Over Me To Live Again

 So At Least We Would Have Pain In Common For The Rest Of Our Memories

 I Came Back To Reality At Dusk Today

 This Time 5.10pm Only Just Hit Me.



 I Had Been On A Road Trip To Hell With My Doppelganger Again

 But This Time Was Different Because I Made Noted And I Saw Everything While She Was

 Fanning The Flame Of Her Insanity That Was Mine

 I Left Breadcrumbs Reversed So I Know The Way Back In Time Without No More Wrong


 I’m Rehearsed And Now Well Versed In The Knowledge That I Love You Because I Made

 You Suffer

 Like Me

 And I Saw What I Had Done Because Your Pain Was Mine Asking One Question That I

 Asked My Mother Again & Again

 Why Are You Doing This To Me? Please?

 I’m Sorry You Were My Hitcher In This Terrible Road Picture

 So I Made A Pretty Upside Down One Instead

 One Of Us Being Our Moment In Time And That Was This.

 It’s The Opposite Of Then.

 Because You Held My Hand And Didn’t Let Go Like The Rest

 No Matter How Hard I Tried To Make You Break Like Me

 Written One Hour After Coming Out Of A 48 Hour Psychotic Episode

 20th September 2014

 I Still Fight To Hold On. And Fight To Let Go.

 But On This Day I Stopped Blaming Myself.

 It Was An Unplanned Episode. Sometimes You Have To Flo With The Go

 Transcript Provided By Bernie Glynn

Missy Jubilee. 039.1 Core


You have now seen me naked in 50 films

But do you know me?

Do you know what i like?

Do you know what i want?

Do you know what i need?

Do you know what i think?

Do you know what i see?

Do you know what i hear?

Do you know what i feel?

Do you know what excites me?

Do you know what i get off on?

If you knew these answers, you would know me at my core

But what if everything you've just seen is all backwards

Where would we start?


Music is my safe word

Missy Jubilee. 038. Art of Sex


A division of the Internet Industrial Complex

(why can’t I stand my own  mind?)

Documented over three short films


This is the first film Max and I ever made together. It hasn’t been previously published.


Max took the photos

20 minutes before…

we had sex for the second time

I was 24 years old

I am 32 years old now

I am struck by the life in my face back then

A certain kind of sad happiness

Mixed with curiosity

And also worry about what the future holds

If I don’t get a few things sorted in my head

And if I don’t then these words used 8 years ago will be foreshadowing

‘The soul should not die ungodly in a prison of false belief – Allen Ginsberg


2012. Art of Sex Trilogy. Part 2

This is the first film we ever released on the internet

It was called ‘Whipped’

We left it up for three days before we took it down

It freaked me out that I was letting people see this side of me

This side of me that enjoyed being punished for being so wrong as a child

Now I’m fine with it. I’m sure you have picked up on that

Because it’s 201 and it’s part 3 of the trilogy

We’re still making films about sex and why people are fucked up sexually

No sex however abstract

should fail to arouse in the spectator

some vestige of erotic feeling

It is such a fundamental part of our nature

that our judgement of what is known as pure art

is inevitably influenced by it

and one of the difficulties

of filming sex as a subject for art

is that these instincts cannot be hidden


An artist takes what she needs

For me, Sex and Art are therapy

and I believe in the power of Sex and Art to heal me

Because nothing else has.

Art is good when it springs from necessity

This kind of origin is the guarantee of its value.

There is no other

-Neale Cassady (1926-1968), U.S. Beat Poet


Songs like this take me to a very lonely & scary place

I am 4 years old

I am by myself on my parents lounge room floor

There are people, adults, in the kitchen. They are laughing

There wasn’t laughing in the kitchen before the people came

There was crying. Always crying

I’m scared that everyone in the kitchen will blame me again

I don’t want to be blamed anymore

I just want to know why my brother has down’s syndrome. And why it’s my fault.


When I was 8 years old

my parents caught me sneaking into their bedroom

to return their book ‘The Joy of Sex’

I slept with it under my pillow every  night

They took it from me. They said that sort of thing wasn’t for me


I first rebelled against my parents

in a café in Byron Bay

I was 12, and I went up and ordered a coffee

because coffee was against their beliefs

Now I make films about sex

because my parents wouldn’t let me be a sexual being

It’s as simple, or as complex, as you want to make it

A happy childhood is hardly worth your while – Frank McCourt

Words by Missy Jubilee & Sir Kenneth Clark

Coming Soon

PRIMAL. No little girl must ever think those thoughts.

Transcript kindly provided by Bernie Glynn

Missy Jubilee. 037. Fantazm

“There is an entire generation growing up that

believes that what you see in hard core pornography is the way that you have sex”

Cindy Gallop/Make Love Not Porn/TED 2009

I think my guardian angel has porn sex when she’s not watching me.

Therefore, a warning:

This episode addresses the art of sex

And this is my game-show hand technique.

I don’t think that game shows will be an option.


This is not your Father’s pornography

But first, would you like fries with that porn?

A message received two weeks ago.

“I have stopped counting how many times you have said ‘Make

Art Not Porn’ in these films. So what is Porn? I know what pornography is. Trust me, I have even

explained it in a huge debate on what is the difference between softcore and hardcore pornography.

I can even lecture in it in schools. You promote the Future Sex Love Art Project while all I see is a

one woman show. You say make art, not porn, while I only see a peep show. Sex implies two people

doing it. Your stuff is more modelling shoots done artistically. That is not art.

30 year old male/Egypt

‘Crazy in show business is when a woman keeps talking when no-one wants to fuck her’ – Tina Fey

My rebuttal. Do you give a fuck?

Giving a fuck about the concept of conditioned response.

Pornography: Proving that the principles & theory of Pavlov’s dog can be used on Junior High School

students to create future customers for the porn industry.

My alternative to porn?

Turn up the truth. Because truth kills shame.

For example, when I have sex…

I become a different person and go to another place.

This film is about that person & one of those places.



Sex & Love at once is a powerful thing. But when in doubt, fantasize.

That’s how I escape from me.

For instance, this is me having sex, while trying to roll a joint.

But that’s not interesting.

What is interesting is what I was thinking while having sex.

Let me take you deep into my sexually twisted mind.

10 minutes earlier, lying on the couch naked with a collar & chain on (as you do in a Monday night).

I imagined lying on a beach naked while rolling a joint

and a naked man comes up behind me

all stealthy like

and starts having mad anonymous sex with me

and I just ignore what is going on and be

all super cool like (Fuck Yeah)

and continue to roll the joint, ‘cause that shit is important.


1st Orgasm: 45 Seconds

And then rolling the joint gets forgotten a little.

Lots of people on the beach are watching.

Everyone is shocked and pointing

but he keeps pushing forward like a good soldier

and I keep letting him like a good whatever I am.

OOOPS. 2nd Orgasm 1 Min 19 Sec

And then I do something very shameful (Fuck Yeah).

I get up on my hands and knees

so that everyone can see what is happening and that I am enjoying it. Oh good God yes.


Encouraging it even,

while still rolling a joint.

Showing a great deal of focus.

But all the people staring don’t seem to appreciate my ability to focus.

They seem to be telling something,

that I’m some word starting with S…

Oh well…. More shame please Mr. Anonymous man.

Here it comes. 3rd Orgasm: 2 Min 23 Sec

And all those people would see me, because I made them see me

The only way I knew how,

and for that moment, I wasn’t invisible.

[General Melchett – Black Adder] “Well bugger me with a fish fork!”

Fantasy is hardly an escape from reality. It is a way of understanding it – Lloyd Alexander

Top ten female fantasies

#1 The rape fantasy

#2 Being a stripper

#3 Role reversals

#4 Group sex

#5 A gorgeous woman

#6 Exhibitionism

#7 Submissive Mate

#8 Dominatrix

#9 A stranger in the bedroom

#10 Come and get me boys

Yes to all the above


Looking behind my conditioned sexual responses

“We all get addicted to something that takes away the pain”

Trauma is shapeless. We may not even know it is there. It creeps and shapes who we think we are,

so that who we think we are becomes our reality, and that reality is very hard to change. For some

reason, my emerging sexual-self went underground and made myself invisible in the real world. Yet

paradoxically, my sexual excitement comes from being seen – shamefully.

That’s a head scratcher isn’t it.

Perhaps it’s as simple as… I wasn’t seen or loved for who I was. Or maybe it was something else.

One moment please.

4th Orgasm: 4 mins 12 sec

Imagine a little girl. She is sitting with her mother, playing on the floor. The mother abruptly stands

up and walks out of the room leaving the child alone. This may be traumatic for the child if she has

been made dependent on the mother for her self-esteem.

But it does not cause shame.

Shame may be caused in that instant that her mother walks back into the room and the infant looks

up and seeks validation from her mother through facial expression and is met with… nothing.

What if this happened all the time and the mother was naked and flaunting her sexuality in front of

the child?

That might explain some stuff maybe.

My aliveness comes from being seen, being seen naked by people on a beach. Being seen as a sexual

being. Forcing them to see me. Being seen in the films that are this project.

I wonder if she sees me now?

Do I smell popcorn?

Fantasy (noun) – A strong addition usually with something that is not real and probably will never be

– Urban Dictionary



Let everything happen to you.

Beauty and terror.

Just keep going.

No feeling is final

– Rainer Maria Rilke

Maybe some girls are not meant to be tamed.

Maybe they are supposed to run wild

until they find someone just as wild

to run with.

I was made for another planet altogether. I mistook the way – Simone de Beauvoir

Associate Producers
Eric Schoeffler/Germany
Marcin Kolasa/Poland
Wouter Dobbelaere/Belgium
Makkerrony Log/Germany
Alan Rogers/UK
Babbitt Da Wabbitt/USA
Robert Pearce/USA
Christopher Kovac/USA

Associate Executive Producers
Bernard Glynn/Australia
David Huff/USA
Chris G/Australia

Transcription kindly provided by Bernie Glynn

Missy Jubilee. 036 Wonderland

A great future sometimes doesn’t need a great past – William Chapman


I wonder whether I carry a deadness inside me that is so unbearable that I can only bring myself to life through sexual attraction.

Maybe nothing much reaches me in the same way.

I wonder what damage was done to my sexual-self growing up, that it became the darkest part of me and the source of such pain.

Maybe that pain comes once we use our sexuality as a drug as a means of injecting life into us, as some form of manic defence against sexual Dissociative Identity Disorder or worse, full blown psychosis.

This was my mind in 2005, the year Max saved me from my thoughts.

I hated myself then. People say hate is a strong word to throw around but love is a strong word to throw around and people throw that word around all the time.

I asked Max “conceptually what do you think is the difference between love & hate?’

‘One’s in your head and one’s not’ He said.

We have spent the last nine years documenting the hatred of my sexuality that exists in my head, so I could find out what childhood event was being sexually over-compensated for.

In 2005, we didn’t realise how many repressed sexual memories I had deeply repressed & unacknowledged.

Love & Trust were concepts quite foreign to this repressed personality.

For the first time I realised there was more than one of me in my head.

There was also a traumatised child acting out sexually and Max was able to talk to that scared child. He has been the only person able to get that child to speak about her blame, and for the first time in her life someone approached her shame with curiosity. Not Judgement. Or Pills.

Our discussions with the traumatised child in my head are these films.

Max said to the child ‘I’m attracted to your mind and your unguarded thoughts. There’s life in those thoughts.

And the child said to Max, ‘Then why do I die?’

Max said to the child ‘Part of you may have died but somewhere in your mind you saw everything and that keeps you in a prison with the door wide open’

Just let go. Let go of how you thought your life should be – Caroline Myss

So…. That’s what I’m doing one memory at a time. Never allowing waiting for the right time to become a habit because somewhere in my mind is a memory I have to find. Something that will explain why I am so sexually fucked up.

I am not drunk in the idea that love, and only love can heal my brokenness, I don’t think my brokenness can be healed.

Anger. Hate. Isolation. Loneliness. Fear. Shame. Got all mixed up with my sexuality at a very young age, and everything was said in silence for the next 28 years.

‘Is Ugh and emotion? She said as she turned up the sex to drown out her past.

Life is so ironic that it takes sadness to know happiness.

Wonderland is where I re-live my sexuality as an observer, Just like you are doing now. It’s all very meta.

She left little pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went. It’s easier to feel the sunlight without them she said – Author unknown

Fuck the Fear

Fuck the Pain

Fuck the Ego

Fuck the Spin

You want to be original

You want to be tough

You want to be ground-breaking

Then show everyone the real you

Honesty is an expensive gift. Just tell it like it was and don’t be the hero of your own story

These are the rules we created for extracting my sexual memories from Wonderland

If there is an answer to find being brutally honest with myself might help to find it. Maybe.

I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only makes sense in reverse – Phillip Yancey


I received this message 3 days after we filmed this episode from a psychotherapist I had not met with.

It read

‘I think about the relationship you have with the person behind the camera in your films.

You seem to have found someone who will witness your process, supports you in it, and gets you.

There is something very intimate flowing between you and the person behind the camera which gives me hope for you,

for me,

for everyone.

This is what I would like to say to you.


Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D) is the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states that alternate control of the individual’s behaviour.

Accompanied by the inability to recall memories beyond what is expected through normal forgetfulness.

There is an intense debate & disagreement about the cause of D.I.D

There are those who believe D.I.D is caused by trauma in childhood forcing the mind to split into multiple identities, each with a separate set of memories.

Nearly 75% of patients with borderline personality disorder also meet the criteria for D.I.D with considerable overlap between the two conditions in terms of personality traits, risk taking & impulse control.

Both groups also report higher than general population rates of physical and sexual abuse.

Even using strict diagnostic criteria it can be difficult to distinguish between dissociative disorders and other disorders such as bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia.

Can’t stop it

Can’t cure it

Not sure

What causes it


Transcription courtesy of Bernie Glynn

Missy Jubilee. 036.1. Wonderland Preview

Wonderland Preview


Live harder than any pain

You've ever felt


I understand

Loss of emotional control


But I have come to


I like emotional



I understand that kind of


I am very comfortable

With that sort of


And with Re-living it


I have realised I am

Very good

At that


The pain of being

Sexually lost

and not finding Peace

in the Loss

But seeking more loss


Catch 22 for nihilists

Or martyrs

One of the two


For what it is worth

I didn't set out

On this course


It choose me

I think


I don't know




Short on Faith

and solitude


then there's



It's where I live

In the past

With no shame


And the entry sign says

Slay some demons

Why don't you


So we take our demons

On surprise Picnics

To wonderland


And every time

There is one more

Dead demon


There's a little pile now

I don't think

they're onto our plan yet

they seem quite



Welcome to wonderland

Where my past meets reality


This is what we do

This is how we do it


Edge & Missy Jubilee

Missy Jubilee. 034. Perve 01

Perve 01 transcript

Transcript kindly provided by Bernie (BeeGee) Glynn


Glados: did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]—

Silence. I unfriend you

Night is the hardest time to be alive. 4am knows all my secrets

I have come hear to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum

It’s not true that I had nothing on, I had the radio on

Scared motherfucker?? Well you should be

Alright, now for the important stuff

For those following the story at home

This incident happened after the 1st orgasm episode and before the Cream’d episode

Four points of view. Four stories. Four films. Once incident

Rashomon style

A true life journey into the mind of a female sexual deviant

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you – Maya Angelou

Story one

Quick: what's the situation? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?

My story


My childhood beach

Somewhere in australia


To feel anything makes you realise you’re alive

The day after the incident in the 1st orgasm episode

I felt a lot

If you know what I mean

That day made my dopamine levels go all silly

I wanted more

I needed more

Go be yourself is just about the worst advice you can give some people

I went hunting for shame

Everyone on the beach could see me

And I enjoyed watching them watching me

The look of shock on their normal faces

This was not your stock standard occurrence for a Tuesday at this beach

And the whole time it felt like someone was following me

But all the other attention distracted me

Men would walk with me

Talking about everything apart from me being naked next to them

Plausible deniability I guess

But this is what they were looking at. We both knew that.

And this was me watching them watching me

This was starting to be my thing

But I had to find a stationary target

And I found him

Just a random guy

We were both in the right place at the right time

This was the approach

And this was the actual distance we were separated by

And then the show began

There was a lot of preparation to get through

I never realised how long towels take to unfold

A long time

I have always believed

That towel neatness is a virtue

I used the word virtue. That’s funny to me anyway.

And the hunt began with a look

More a confrontational stare really

Then the fastidiousness began

Such organisational skills

I wish my room at home was this neat

You can see what’s going on right?

I think it’s a similar thing that peacocks do

And then

Act one, scene one – horizontal

But first

One must adjust one’s hair

One must check if one has an audience

And one must protect oneself against skin cancer

Very very important

I’ll be quiet for a moment

So that was all fine

But I thought to myself

Wouldn’t it be more interesting

If we could see each other

And it was

This isn’t slow motion

This is the actual speed I was moving at

The same as when you’re in a car crash

Everything goes slow and weird

If you’ve been in a car accident

You’ll know what I mean

And then I needed to check if the ocean was still there

It was

And that was exciting to know

What about the sand I thought

The sand was still there

I always like to be on solid ground

Otherwise one might fall over

And then act two

Not falling over. Swimming

But first, the most important thing I had to do

Was to ensure I had an audience

Because is a tree falls in the forest and no-one sees it

Is it able to punish itself with shame?

To be continued


Welcome to my mind

Get out while you can

There is no shame without permission

{tribute to philip seymour hoffman follows}

Philip Seymour Hoffman Jul 23, 1967 – Feb 2, 2014

I most remember Philip Seymour Hoffman for his role in Todd Solondz’s film Happiness. It was his performance, and his willingness to take on such a disturbing and morally reprehensible role in a movie with so many controversial contemporary themes, that allowed me to believe that one day I could tell this story in film

Rock paper scissors

To be or not to be

Hello or goodbye

High or clean

Yes or no

Life or death

Sad or happy

Trick or treat

Roll the dice and shut the fuck up

The concept of range

In the movie business

This is called having range

Philip Seymour Hoffman had range. Lots of it

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience – french proverb



Missy Jubilee. 028. Mask'D

1. Missy Jubilee. 029. MaskD. 001.jpg



The following film contains graphic scenes of almost no nudity

Although it does have some nudity at the end but it's a metaphor

Just saying


Art has to be beautiful, but before that it has to be truthful

And every artist has to learn truth through a painful private process

Ritwik kumar ghatak (1925-1976)


Ingesting life’s problems and regurgitating them as art

It’s cheaper than therapy



This is not a love story

My aim is to put down on paper

what I see, and what I feel, in the best simplest way

- Ernest hemingway


Society has become brutally efficient at identifying people

At the end of the bell curve whose thinking needs fixing

My grandmother and over 20,000 other people were victims of lobotomies between 1930 & 1970

Rosemary Kennedy, sister of president john f. Kennedy, underwent a lobotomy in 1941 at age 23 which left her permanently incapacitated

American playwright tennessee williams’ older sister rose

Received a lobotomy which left her incapacitated for life

The episode is said to have inspired characters and motifs

In certain works of his


Is over medication a lobotomy for the 21st century?

From the age of 8, I was prescribed pills to fix me / to make me normal / to make me compliant

At the age of 25, I finally refused to take any more

One day, I just rolled over and decided to kiss my un-medicated self good morning

After 7 years of getting my head right from the cure

These films are a direct result of that decision

An attempt to figure out what the hell happened

Over those 17 years

This is me self-medicating the only legal way I know how

There are others who would say this project

Is confirming evidence that I should  be medicated

That I am ruining my life with more bad decisions

Those who feel I am damaging myself mentally and emotionally by making these films

Those that feel I am bent on confrontation with my past

That this is not normal or rational behaviour for a woman

I’ve got to keep zigging while these people are zagging

Stella knows what I mean. Don’t you Stella

Because we seen brain dead pixels where there used to be people


Bigger picture, these films have been blocked in certain countries

The governments of these countries also happen to be enthusiastic

Users of psychotropic drugs to control their populations

A psychotropic drug affects brain function, resulting in alterations

In perception, mood consciousness, cognition  and behaviour


As a tool for altering the mind, they have practical utility in the

Application of modern psychiatry.  And torture


Even in free societies there have been abuses of these drugs

A U.S Investigation found that administering 1250mg of the drug

Mefloquine to Guantanamo Bay detainees was a standard

operating procedure


Mefloquine has been used in the treatment of the clinically insane

The FDA states, even at the standard dose, it can cause severe

side effects such as paranoia, hallucinations, aggression,

psychotic behavior, memory impairment, convulsions & suicide


Guantanamo bay detainees were given 5 times the standard dose


Damaged people are dangerous. They know how to survive


The report notes that the CIA was experimenting with chemicals

similar to mefloquine as early as 1955 as part of project Mkultra,

a covert behavior modification program


The CIA interrogation manual details the use of mind altering drugs during treatment.

Persons burdened with feelings of shame or guilt are likely to unburden themselves when drugged

especially if these feelings of shame & guilt are re-enforced by an authority figure.


I have enough sexual guilt & shame for the next 100 years

I’m pretty sorted on that front

But what if the cure caused the sexual guilt & shame?

What was I cured of?

I guess I was morally insane and these films must be me relapsing

Which is interesting

Because I feel ok. Now


I must have a dark side if I am to be whole – Carl Jung / 1875-1961 / progressive swiss psychotherapist


What if you’ve got a dirty dark side. Does that count?


Jung's central theory was the concept of individuation

The psychological process of integrating the opposites

Of the conscious and the unconscious while still maintaining

Their relative autonomy and natural balance

Just like everything else in nature


There will always be something to ruin our lives

It all depends on what or which finds us first

We are always ripe and ready to be taken

- Charles Bukowski


Is it free will when you have a say in what ruins your life?

I am visible because it is easy to make invisible people invisible

If you get my drift


The doctor told me I was delusional. I almost fell off my unicorn – old saying in psychiatric wards


Go fuck a landmine – old U.S Military saying


I think you’re the fucking anti-christ – Donnie Darko


Postscript to the postscript

What is the connection between lobotomies

and kids on ritalin?


These are a set of data points possibly worth pondering

Or not


In 1948 Norbert Wiener said

'A lobotomy makes the custodial care of many patients easier

Let me also remark in passing, that killing them makes their custodial care even easier'


The originator of lobotomies, Antonio Egas Moniz

won the nobel prize for physiology/medicine in 1949


This helped convince the psychiatric profession of the potency of their craft


These often violent and invasive psychiatric interventions

preyed on the relative lack of social power of the insane

to resist the increasingly radical and even reckless

interventions of psychiatrists


In 1977, a US congress committee investigated allegations

that lobotomies were used to control minorities

and restrain individual rights


Lobotomies are now associated with the abuse

of patient rights


Tennessee Williams criticised lobotomies in his play

'Suddenly, Last Summer' because they were

inflicted on homosexuals - to render them 'morally sane‘


Lobotomies underwent a gradual but definite decline

Following the invention of behaviour modification drugs

for psychiatric use in the mid-1950's


Ritalin is a psychotropic drug that acts on the brain.

It modifies children’s behaviour.

Ritalin's invention can be traced back to these drugs.

These drugs replaced lobotomies.

Just saying.


Get in a time machine and go to 2010

Ritalin is the drug most commonly prescribed for treatment of ADHD in children


Approximately 4 2 million children in the U.S have been

prescribed drugs such as Ritalin, a 53 percent increase over the past decade


'There is little to no evidence about the effect these cocktails of drugs

Are having on the development of children’s brains

-The association of educational psychologists, The Guardian Newspaper/London/6th may 2012


What makes you weird when young

Makes you great when you grow up

– Vitoire


What happens to society if we don’t let our kids

Be a little weird without forcing pills down their throats?


School shootings maybe?


20,000 lobotomies vs 4.2 million users of Ritalin

Our business is behaviour modification

And business is good


'That men do not learn very much

From the lessons of history

Is the must important lesson

History has to teach'

- Aldous Huxley


Don’t worry, I'm not on a crusade

I'm not super anti-psychiatry or the US Military

I don’t think the CIA drugged me

And I`m pretty sure aliens didn’t abduct me

I just had to get some stuff off my chest

Back to easy to understand nudity

As a metaphor for free will next film


I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around – author unknown


When you tell kids they are wrong, by psychological

Evaluation, or by prescribing pills, is anyone surprised

That they will then adt in a way that says

Fuck you, if you think i'm wrong, then i'll act wrong

I wonder why we are enabling this by 'during' kids and

Not just letting them be ok with who they are. If the

Ocean is rough, do we try and figure out a cure to make it

Smooth? No, we just say, it's rough and then tomorrow

It'll be smooth, it is what it is. We don't need to fix it

But I'm sure someone is working on an app for that


Transcript by Bernie (BeeGee) Glynn


Missy Jubilee. 028. Membrane

1. Missy Jubilee. 028. Membrane.004.jpg


If you have not seen any of my films

Or you have not followed the story to date

I highly recommend you do not watch this film

I would suggest something easier

Like the sweet embrace of alcohol, snuggling with your pets

Or listening to the live acoustic version of Hotel California

This film is very weird & will do your head in

And no-one wants that, most of all me

Besides, my insurance doesn’t cover damage caused by confusion


Your videos are pathetic – message from 32 year old male – USA

Seriously, you’re not very good – message from 34 year old male – Syria

You are sick – message from 23 year old male, Saudi Arabia

You’re probably right – the voices in my head

Do trees not laugh because they live in a world without irony?


Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable


White rabbit: how long is forever?

Alice: sometimes… just one second


Have you ever wondered what sexual insanity looks & sounds like?


This is what it looks and sounds like to me


The greatest prison one can live in, is the fear of what others might think

I don’t live in that prison


 I live in a different prison


These memories are unfortunately the architecture of my reality


This is a story about my grandmother

Sexy huh

She was not normal

Therefore am I not genetically not normal?


In 1968 they drove my grandmother to an insane asylum for the first time

She would die an emotional vegetable 15 years later


Ummm. Excuse me. Isn’t this supposed to be porn?

It’s philosophical porn

Besides, everything we now & believe is predicted on someone’s first philosophical investigations

Someone asks, why is it so?

And I think it is relevant to the issue at hand

The issue being?

The issue being why I am sexually insane

Are you sure being sexually insane is a thing?

We are what we believe we are

Or who we are told we are


I wish i could trade-in bad old memories


Can you take the truth?

Depends on where you want me to take it


My grandmother’s name was Stella

She was weird. Like me


She was told to stop acting weird

Or else

It’s all in your mind


She didn’t

Stella couldn’t cope & hid away

Stella got more depressed


They came and took my grandmother away

But they couldn’t fix her. Her heart was torn

The doctors suggested electro shock therapy

That didn’t work

They shook the angel in her & she got worse

She was living in her mind. Staring out

She became difficult to manage

The doctors recommended a lobotomy

And asked my mother to sign the papers

She did

It would be easier this way


“find what you love and let it kill you” – Bukowski


The lobotomy cuts away the connections to & from the prefrontal cortex and the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain

The lobotomy procedure can have severe negative effects.

Patients can lose their ability to function. They can become vegetables


It has a certain brutal simplicity to it

Problem solved


I cannot masturbate to this. Are you hearing me? Hellooo?


Just wait 45 seconds


It doesn’t take a knife to kill someone. Sometimes just not caring works well too.


I feel most uneasy at night at home alone

That’s when my grandmother’s monsters  say

Hello dear


My mother used to say

When you meet people ask them what they are afraid of

They have to be afraid of something

Otherwise they don’t believe in anything

I’m afraid that I believe I could be my grandmother

That her genes are mine

That her fate could be mine if I trust the wrong people


I wonder if my mother thinks about Stella

She never talked about her much


I met Stella once or twice but i don’t remember her

Her face always looks blurry in photos

Not the focus, it was just confusion i think

These things i knew about her

It’s not much

Stella’s husband went to war and came back wrong

He had post traumatic stress

He drank. He beat her. He cheated on her. He left

Stella started cleaning her house in her underwear

Then she started cleaning her house naked.

No-one could stop her

Somehow the trauma of her husband unleashed her sexuality

Without any shame or inhibition or consideration of the consequences

It had to come out of her.

As an act of cleansing

Imagine losing yourself so completely in making someone else happy

That your sexuality pours from the open wound

Of a lifetime of sexual repression

And not want it to stop

To never want to come back to reality because reality hurts too much


Her cleaning is my film project

We are both trying to cleanse something down deep


What i do think is strange

Is than my mother told me this story more than once

Not judging. Not shaming. Just telling

Like, she went crazy but she was proud of her sexuality


Was your mother repressed sexually?


She sunbathed nude and topless most days

Probably still does.

Do you see where this is going?


You tell me


There are no other women in my family

My grandmother. My mother. Me

Either i am in a fever of competition

To become the most sexual woman of the family, or…

By questioning my grandmother’s sexuality and sanity

And my sexuality and sanity

My mother is trying to do away with the competition

I’d like to think the former

That this is a process of evolution, not devolution


Have you ever thought of your mother as competitive?


Many times. For the attention of men

Not all the time. But many times


Do you really think the latter option is possible?


Not really. Maybe. Anything is possible i suppose


When did you notice the competition from your mother?


When i was 12


How did you feel?


Like i lost. Me


What would your 12 year old self think of you right now?


I don’t know


I think my 12 year old self checked out long ago

Besides, i’m a realist. This isn’t wonderland and my name isn’t Alice


So what’s the solution?

Well, i’ve always been a strong believer in the concept that the correct answer to every question is…

Interpretive dance


The future sex love art projekt

Welcome to my mind

It’s a little intense at times

Missy Jubilee. 031.2 Weapons

1. Missy Jubilee. 31.2. Weapons. NSFW.jpg

Full transcript of episode 31.2 Weapons. To watch film, click here

Transcription with thanks to Bernie Glynn


Weapons of Mass Distraction

If this is Art, then what isn’t?

The short version of Requiem, known on the street as Missy vs George Bush


Max: Where are we at 31 films in? Bigger picture

Missy: To answer that I would have to go back a step

Max: Okay. But make it concise. It’s a short song

Missy: I have been sexually repressed all my life

By three weapons of mass discombobulation

Shame. Fear & self-loathing

Max: Nice geopolitical tie-in

Missy: Thank you. But stop interrupting.

Anyways. The first 30 films were exposition

To tell you a little about myself and give you some context

My history. Parents. Head problems. Addictions. Issues

It was background so you could understand the next part of the projekt

Who did what to whom. When. How. With what

I feel I have dealt with the shame by completing 30 films

Next comes dealing with the disabling intense fear

Max: Fear of what?

Missy: Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of the fear.

Fear that the emotional exhaustion driving me back into depression

That’s what I thought it was about. But it’s not

Max: How so?

Missy: it’s about the fear of who I am without shame

I don’t know that Person. I don’t want to exist as a ghost

I have learnt this person over 28 years. I might unlearn it in 250 films

But what fills the vacuum in between? I fear that. A lot

It’s never good stuff that fills a vacuum. Look at Iraq

Every film is sucking a little bit of bad stuff out of my soul

But it’s also the only me I know

It feels like I’m dying

Very very slowly

Max: Be all in or get all out. There is no half way

Missy: What do you mean there is no halfway. Do you live in a vacuum?

Max: No. I live with you. In a house

Missy: It was rhetorical

Max: I know

“Peace is always beautiful.” Walt Whitman

The upcoming episode called Cirque du Freak deals with my sexual fascination with the dancing of gay men

So there’s that

Welcome to my mind

As they say in software coding. Garbage in. Garbage out.

I got 99 problems and normal ain’t one of them


Missy Jubilee. 031.1 Requiem. The Long Version

1. Missy Jubilee.031.1. Requiem. NSFW.jpg

Requiem 31.1 Full script

Transcription with thanks by Bernie Glynn


“Everything in the world is about sex

Except sex

Sex is about power” - Oscar Wilde



*The dream is free. Missy Doll sold separately


A Fuck My Brain Stupid Production

Make art. Make love. Make do

Missy Jubilee

The Future Sex Love Art Projekt

Warning: The following film contains scenes of nudity all over the place

Surprise surprise surprise

Another psycho porn trait

With some raw naked truth and a bit of graphic intellectualism

A true life journey into the mind of a female sexual deviant

Intro music / Gillian Welch / The Revelator

Excuse the mess in my mind. I’m renovating some memories

Now I’ve got to figure out if I can continue

Slut: (noun) A woman who likes sex as much as a man

Requiem (noun): a mass for a deceased person

A long series of short films by missy jubilee

This episode is R E Q U I E M

December 2013

“You’re beautiful,

But you’re empty.

No one would die for you.” 

Antoine de Saint Exupéry - The Little Prince,

Episode 31 of 250

The Axis of Sexual Angst

Max: Where are we at 31 films in? Bigger picture

Missy: To answer that I would have to go back a step

Max: Okay. But make it concise. It's a short song

Missy: I have been hamstrung all my life

By three weapons of mass discombobulation

Shame. Fear & self-loathing

Max: Nice geo-political tie-in

Missy: Thank you. But stop interrupting.

Anyways. The first 30 films were exposition

To tell you a little about myself. To tell you what's my thing

My history. Parents. Head problems. Addictions. Issues

It was background so you could understand the next part of the projekt

Who did what to whom. When. How. With what

I feel I have dealt with the shame by completing 30 films

Next comes dealing with the intense fear

Max: Fear of what?

Missy: Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of the fear.

The emotional exhaustion driving me back into depression

That's what I thought it was about. But it's not

Max: How so?

Missy: it's about the fear of who I am without shame

I could be a ghost. I don't want to exist as a ghost

I have learnt this shit over 28 years. I might unlearn it in 250 films

But what fills the vacuum in between? I'm fear that. A lot

It's never good stuff that fills a vacuum. Look at Iraq

Every film is sucking a little bit of bad stuff out of my soul

But it's also the only me I know

It feels like I’m dying

Very very slowly

Max: Be all in or get all out. There is no half way

Missy: What do you mean there is no halfway. Do you live in a vacuum?

Max: no. I live with you. In a house

Missy: It was a rhetorical question

Max: I know

“Peace is always beautiful.” Walt Whitman

Part 2

Techno Viking & happy happy joy joy

The greatest poet of the 20th century and my greatest literary influence, Charles Bukowski, reading his poem ‘bluebird’ in 1978

“There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going to let anybody see you.
There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there.

There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay down, do you want to mess me up?
You want to screw up the works?
You want to blow my book sales in Europe?
There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too clever, I only let him out at night sometimes when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there, so don't be sad.
Then I put him back, but he's singing a little in there, I haven't quite let him die. And we sleep together like that with our secret pact.
And it's nice enough to make a man weep, but I don't weep, do you?


All the time

With thanks to:

Luca priori / Italy

Ronald Sabin / USA

Surya Coapy / India

Daulton Gordon / UK

Laurent minh / France

Jan Martz / Switzerland

Wouter Dobbelaere / Belgium


Music consultants

NYC's DJ Paradise / USA

Plainboy / Norway

Justin Cross / USA

Edge / USA


Director / Cinematographer / Max Jubilee

Producer / Editor / Sound Design / Writer / Slut / Missy Jubilee

Associate Executive Producer / Bernard Glynn

Executive Producers / Missy Jubilee & Max Jubilee


What do we have here?

It looks like a good old fashioned dance-off

Missy vs the Techno Viking

Ready Viking?

Wait for it missy

{dance off}

Time’s up Missy

I think you won that Techno Viking. You’re still the best

Thanks Missy. It’s all about the shorts you know

I know Viking. I gotta get me some of those. I used to have a little red dress


Welcome to my mind

There’s dance-offs going on all the time


I’ll never change. I’ll just learn

Handmade by Missy Jubilee’s Appaloosa Duck, Sydney, Australia

Appaloosa Duck, porn that loves you back


Hector’s death, from the soundtrack of the movie ‘Troy’.


“When things go bad, don’t go with them.” – Elvis Presley

You are what you listen to.

Music used in this film

Music01/Girls just want to have fun/Triple J like a version

Music02/Gillian Welch/ The Revelator


Music04/Come up and make me smile/Erasure


Music06/The youth die young/Mad Rad


From the age of 4 until he was 12 years old Charles Bukowski was severely beaten by his father three times a week. Although he despised his father, in later life he said ‘My father taught me the most important thing I learnt in life. He taught me about pain. It enabled me to be a writer.’

In his writing, he referred to the bathroom in his childhood as ‘The torture chamber’

His work addressed the ordinary lives of poor Americans, the act of writing, alcohol, relationships with women & the drudgery of work. He worked in a post office for 15 years.

Bukowski wrote thousands of poems, hundreds of short stories, and six novels, eventually publishing over sixty books.

In 1986 time called Bukowski the laureate of American lowlife.

Henry Charles Bukowski

Died in 1994 of leukaemia aged 73



Short story writer


Child abuse survivor

Chronic alcoholic

Charles Bukowski is one of my inspirations for this projekt

I stand on the shoulders of an alcoholic giant


You’re not ugly. Society is


Charles Bukowski’s gravestone reads “Don’t Try”.  A phrase which Bukowski uses in one of his poems advising aspiring writers & poets about inspiration and creativity. Bukowski explained the phrase in a 1963 letter. “Somebody asked me ‘what do you do? How do you write, create?’  I told them, “You don’t. You don’t try. That’s very important. Not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more. It’s like a bug high on a wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out, slap it and kill it if you like, you make a pet out of it.”

I see that bug and it’s coming toward me. I shall name him Charles.

John Lydon & Public Image Limited

The Order of Death

[This is what you want / this is what you get]

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda

If you find the truth, will you believe it? A very good question

My life is not an action movie. I couldn’t afford Michael Bay. Happy Happy Joy Joy

[image] Charles Bukowski – poems written before jumping out of an 8 story minute

Did you notice how many references to death there were in the music in this film? I didn’t until I finished it. I wonder what my sub-conscious is saying, because it wasn’t planned and for me, music is a tunnel into my inner consciousness. Is contemplating the concept of death the easy way out of dealing with fear for me? I have no idea, but it freaks me the fuck out. Sometimes I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts. Not to be a drama queen or anything.

This film is dedicated to Edward Snowden. A true American hero. Someone who said “fuck the fear, and the consequences be damned”. You sir are one kick arse individual to put your life on the line for freedom. Not the George Bush version of freedom. Real freedom. Freedom from tyranny.

Courage is mad sexy

Tyranny (noun): Oppressive government rule unrestrained by law or constitution.

Plato defended a tyranny as a government who looks to its own advantage rather than that of its subjects.

I have an order here for porn with geo-political overtones. Who ordered that? Hello? People? Anybody? Somebody? Nobody huh. Guess I’ll have to eat it – again

It’s erotica not porn. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken

Made by two people who couldn’t get more personally involved in their work. However, they are scared of pencils.

Let’s storm that porn castle together. Quickly

Til we meet again

Copyright 2103 Missy Jubilee’s Appaloosa Duck

All rights reserved

“I couldn’t possibly have sex with someone with a slender grasp of grammar” – Russell Brand

Shake it like a Polaroid picture

Possibly everything

Part Three: Tin Can Alley

In these tin cans are the uncollected remains of mental patients at the Oregon state mental hospital these people either had no family, outlived their family, or their family disowned them. This is the place for forgotten tormented souls. This photo makes me cry every time I look at it.

A different flavour of me in every can

A song for a little birdy

Missy & Mozart – requiem in D Minor. The story of unfinished symphony

The requiem mass in D Minor by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was composed in Vienna in 1791 and left unfinished at the composer’s death

Count Franz von Walsegg had anonymously commissioned the piece for a requiem mass to commemorate the anniversary of his wife’s death

Mozart spoke of ‘very strange thoughts’ regarding the unpredicted appearance & commission of this unknown man

Mozart fell ill while writing the work. He told his wife… my end will not be long in coming. I cannot rid my mind of this thought.

He said believed he was writing this piece for his own funeral

The only place where the word ‘amen’ occurs in anything that Mozart wrote in the last years of his live is in this piece of music.

I hope this projekt is not unfinished at the time of my death

That would kill me.

 The end is just black. There is nothing. I’ve been there before


These are the thoughts in my head

They eat my brain like guinea worms

I need them out and I need to record them

To get over my past first I have to accept my past existed

No matter how many times I deny it, hide from it, recoil from it, or am embarrassed by it – it happened.

But I fear its retelling and that I may slip into denial as a defence

We’ll see. Won’t we just

Someday I will find what I am looking for

Or maybe I won’t

Maybe I’ll find something better

I’m not there yet

But I’m closer than I was yesterday

I think





Happy Happy

Joy Joy




My brain has too many tabs open


Audio & visual samples used in this film from:

The culture gabfest

Jack Ryan. Shadow agent

Tell me as I am / Mei Ming / Henry Hazzard

Charles Bukowski. Bluebird

Bluebird animation. Monika Amba

Techno Viking

Young Frankenstein

The Charles Bukowski Tapes. Barbet Schroeder

Best vines of 2013


Huffington post

Happy Happy Joy Joy. Ren & Stimpy


The Princess Bride

Bugs Bunny


"Better never to begin. Having begun, better to finish" — Zen saying

Wish I’d known that before I started

Missy, live your life and fear no hand other than your own, beat your own hand and you have it licked. Peace out – edge

Hollywood is a verb @ missyjubilee.com

Missy Jubilee. 033. Frank

1. Missy Jubilee. Frank.jpg

Frank Moore. Morgan Freeman. Feathers. And chickens

A love story

by Missy Jubilee


Frank Moore was the first person who encouraged me with this projekt

I would not be able to do what I am doing now

if it weren't for the battles Frank fought

in the epic Erotica vs Porn wars

of the late 20th century


He did it alone

Now there is a community

His 'hood

His street corner

His South Central

No one should forget that

Especially artists with Warhol stars in their eyes

And Basquiat pretentions

Because we stand on the shoulder of a giant big ol' Frank

I hate cliches

But sometimes there is only one right way to say something


Last year, I lost two of my greatest creative influences

Frank Moore & Lou Reed

Unfortunately Bukowski died in 1994


I wish he had have lived until 2013

I always prefer things in 3's

It would have been more poetic

More balanced

More tighter

More neater


But life isn't neat

Art isn't neat

And sex certainly isn't neat

Well mine isn't.

I bet Frank's wasn't either

Cause neat is restrained

Like an idea in a strait jacket


You're very very neat when you're in a strait jacket

Like someone ironed your bestest whitest shirt

with a metric fuck ton of weapons grade starch

But you also can't do anything strait jacket'd up

Except blink

Hannibal Lecter like


And that is what mainstream society does

All day long


A lot

While saying what the fuck??


I loved it when Frank made society say 'what the fuck??' a lot


Don't get me wrong

Nothing against strait jackets

They are very comfortable

They have nice buckles, and lots of them

Like punks and safety pins

Some of the best artists have worn strait jackets

While society checked on them

To see if they were safe

From their dangerous arty ideas


But God said to Frank

Strait jackets are too easy for you Moore

You got the look & smell of a Houdini about you

I couldn't restrain that homeboy either


So I'm going to design a special strait jacket for you

I shall call it an affliction

Cool said Frank

And since I think you have so much potential

I think I will put you in that special kind of strait jacket

For your whole life

You up for that challenge big boy?


Frank nodded

 Fair enough said God

Let's get bus


And on the 7th day, God rested

And Frank rested

They had a Lemon & Gingergrass tea together

And God said to Frank in a Morgan Freeman overdubbed voice

I'm pretty damn impressed white boy

With your handy work

You got shit done


A little said Frank



You make me look lazy God said

I gotta slow you down 

How about for the next life

I put you in an underwater cave

In the Mariana Trench

With no oxygen

And just a box of matches

a boy scout manual

And maybe a killer octopus outisde the door


Okay said Frank

You're the boss


I don't like things too easy

But do caves have doors?

I'm God, they could have a two car garage if I wanted

Fair point Frank said

While still quietly dubious about the value of a door on an underwater cave


Early in the projekt, I hid my face

I was tainted by the porn industry

Frank was always at me to show my face

But people will think I'm doing porn Frank


After he died, I did show my silly face

The world didn't end

People didn't throw fruit at me in the street

Or contemplate some good old Salem witch burning

 Well, maybe they did

But they didn't tell me about it

Or the fruit missed me

while I was looking in the butchers window

at all the dead meat

looking like bad porn

Or maybe I'm just oblivious re common sense

Like Frank


I guess Frank was saying that

it was time for me to stand on my own two feet

And be proud of my work

Take a teaspoon of concrete Princess and harden up Frank thought

It's 2013

Not 1980

You got it easy

Back in the day

I lived in a cardboard box

behind the porn factory


That was good advice Frank never gave me

I heard what you didn't say Frank





Tick that fucker off the list


Frank was right

As usual

You bastard


Because he made me realise, that if you're an artist

You must stand behind you work

If you don't, no-one else will

It's called artistic integrity girlie


He liked to call me girlie when he gave me non-existent advice

Because I'm a girl

I guess


He convinced me that erotica isn't porn

Kinda like using a feather

Rather than using the chicken

 A dead chicken

Not a live one

Cause that would just be weird


Dead chickens


The concept of death

It scares me



Frank is leaning in and going where I fear

Always leading

That is Frank to me


I followed you into erotica Frank

I will again follow you again

Into death

At some point

At some stage.

When Morgan Freeman says the time is right


This is an ode to Frank

Is it short & succinct?



Pablo Picasso said

I start with an idea

And then it becomes something



This is something else


Frank would have wanted it to be something else

Anything else

But else


When we meet up, I will have one question for you Frankie boy

"How the hell did you get so much done?"

I tried tying my hands behind my back

And painting with a brush in my mouth for a day

I didn't get much done that day

I didn't mind the hands behind the back all BDSM like

But have you ever had a cramp in your mouth

It's not overly joyous


Short story long

Frank always made me feel lazy



Who knew Morgan Freeman was a white boy in a wheelchair?


Peace, love & things Frank


p.s. Frank, what's the deal with Platypuses?. Were you smoking it up that day?


Missy Jubilee. Y2K14 promo

1. Missy Jubilee.032.Pornomatik.NSFW.jpg


"You are a sexual deviant. A pervert through & through". Jesse Bering

"Do whatever. Be weird. It's okay". Author unknown

In everyone's life

there is that time

That you look back on

with maturity and hindsight

And you can see that moment

When everything spiralled out of control

You can see it down to the minute

For me

That moment is every moment, but I take Mondays off

The Future Sex Love Art Projekt

The true life journey into the mind of a sexual deviant

A long series of short films by Missy Jubilee

About the psychosexual analysis of one woman

250 episodes over 5 years

It won't be lacking for detail

If Intelligent Porn and Reality TV had a troubled daughter

They would name her Missy

"You tell him. You tell him I'm coming. You tell him I'm fucking coming"

This year

I'm fucking coming with more films

Not in theatres anywhere

Some people pray. I turn up the radio

Because I have galaxies growing inside my head


“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

- Friedrich Nietzsche

I always leave room in my mind for my demons to dance

They prefer hardcore techno

You still there?

No, I just zoned out for a second


  • "Kid Kenobi, Chardy, Justin Hunter, Zoolanda-Your Love [feat. Jamie Lee Wilson] (Chardy & Zoolanda Remix)", sound recording administered by:0:31


  • "Martin Solveig & Dragonette-Hello (Sidney Samson Remix)", sound recording administered by:2:32

    Spinnin' Records 

    Kontor Records 

    Blanco y Negro (Base79) 

    Made In etaly 

    Base79 Music 

  • "David Guetta-Play Hard (feat. Ne-Yo & Akon) [Extended]", sound recording administered by:1:17


Missy Jubilee. 030. Unmask'D



A wardrobe of shame & nothing to wear

The Future Sex Love Art Projekt

A long series of short films by Missy Jubilee


You're madness

virum madness

And everything you touch dies with you

We interrupt your normal life for this un-important announcement


I'm going to bring the whole fucking diseased corrupt temple down on your head

It's going to be biblical

Hell is something you carry around with you, not somewhere you go. Neil Gaiman

Slut: (noun) a woman who likes sex as much as a man

Take a deep breathe, in through your nose

Now exhale through your mouth


Your tension has been exterminated


Raw naked truth with a bit of graphic intellectualism

But first a warning

The following film contains scenes of nudity

but possibly more upsetting

it contains a meta-philosophical narrative construct

and there is not a single reference to lobotomies

I know. Weird

Smart-arse motherfucker

Just be yourself

My self is an ever-changing collection of desires & reflections

Well. Just have fun then. But don't break anything

Goddamnit. Are you fucking with me?!

Let's go bitch. I've done action films


A wardrobe of shame & nothing to wear

Jesus tittie fuckin christ. I could have sworn she was telling the truth

Mad Hatter: Am I mad?

Alice: You're completely bonkers

But you're young. You'll grow out of it they said

Episode 30 of 250. The story about a little red dress

Safely stash all weed & blunts


I'd like to have interlectualcourse with you about negative space

Sometimes you can only see a thing by it's absence

By the space it leaves behind

In art, it is the space around & between the subject of an image

My negative space is a little red dress of shame

You can get addicted to a certain kind of negative space

Like truth is pain and I'll do it again & again

Because I want a dress of naked truth

Not a little red dress made of shame

I want my naked dress flimsy & cheap & way too tight

I want to wear it until someone tears it off me

I want it sleeveless and backless, this dress

So no-one has to guess

What's underneath

It's me unmasked from the need to feel ashamed anymore

I want to walk down the street

Past the hardware store

With all those keys to secrets shining on the counter

Past the cake shop selling day old crumpets

In their window

Past the butcher

With all that dead meat looking like bad porn

And I want to tell everyone

I'm not dead cause I never told anyone before

I want that dress of naked truth real bad

Because I want to see

The worse things about myself

And for me to be ok with that person

Because that fear of judgment has imprisoned me forever

And only I am to blame for that

I don't know who I got my little red dress from

I just remember it always being in the cupboard. It was all I wore

Maybe I got it from my mother

Maybe it was handed down to her by her mother

But this red dress dies right here

When I find it, that dress of naked honesty

I'll be choosing it to wear forever

Through the birth cries and the love cries too

And I'll wear it like bones. Like skin. Like me

And it'll be the goddamned dress

They bury me in

Because I admit I sin, but I'm not the devil

I am also good, but I'm not an angel

But I do solemnly swear

I have been up to no good for a long time

As the next 200 episodes will detail

I've done things you'll never forget

I am going to send you to a deep dark place, and I am going to have fun doing it


Producer/editor/sound design/writer/slut/Missy Jubilee

Remember that person you were. Well look at you. All living & shit/Author unknown

Words by Missy Jubilee & Kim Addonizio

Associate Executive Producer/Bernard Glynn

Director/cinematographer/Max Jubilee

Music 1/Portishead/Roads

Music 2/Emeli Sande/Read all about it/Stefan Biniak bootleg

Music 3/The XX/Teardrops

Executive Producers Missy Jubilee & Max Jubilee

The moment she accepted herself just as she was

Her eyes opened to all she could be

-Dean Jackson

Missy Jubilee. 027. Subculture

1. Missy Jubilee. 027. Subculture. 001.jpg

Just a perfect day, you made me forget myself

Missy. Erotic art with bass arse beats to pussificate your deviant mind

This episode is a prequel to the Membrane episode

It contains contextural information not included in that epiosde. The release of this epiosde was bought forward due to relevance of Lou Reed's death

Go back to dream land

You can come out of this a whole person

Subculture. Lou Reed, me and the faggot junkies

In 1956, 12 years before my grandmother

was committed to a mental institution for the first time

On the other side of the world in a parallel universe

My greatest musical inspiration

Lou Reed was committed to a mental institution at the age of 16

As teenager, Lou's Reed's parents were unable to accept

His sexually ambiguous behaviour.

They committed him to a psychiatric hospital

He was forced to undergo electro shock therapy at three times a week.

To normalise his sexual behaviour

Somehow Reed managed to emerge from this ordeal

To become transformative in art music & writing

But to him art & drugs

Were all he had to make sense of what happened to him

The only safe way he could tell his dark twisted sexual story

The honesty & vulnerability of his writing comforted me

My experience isn't the same. Just different

It's about others having control of repression & shame

And what is inflicted to correct abnormal thoughts

A lobotomised vegetable in my grandmothers case

Because she gave her control away

Or by taking control back

By making art with the pain & confusion & weirdness

And let all those bad memories escape

Like Lou Reed did

This is me trying somewhere between those extremes

If you can observe your own thoughts, who's doing the thinking?

What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead

You will be labelled a pervert


Insane in the sex brain

Full episode 11th November 2013


Will it ever stop yo

Episode 27 of 250

All hail the heavy bells

We've told you what happens to perverts

A Too broken to fix/Too crazy to care/Much production

It looks like you had too much to think young lady

The laws of Pyshics are merely a suggestion, for better or for worse

Support your local thought police this Christmas

Don't let your mind get crazzzy like a faggot junkie

For most of my life I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see - Rumi

This is a hell of a concept

Warning. Missy Jubilee on beach. Proceed at your own risk

Voices in your head start telling you it's.........

Wanted. Lou Reed. Dead or Alive (what's the difference).

For transforming a whole generation of young Amercians into faggot junkies

Satellites of Love

I don't think anybody is anybody else's moral compass. Maybe consuming my art is not the best idea if you live a very constricted life. But then again, maybe it is. - Lou Reed

Lewis Alan 'Lou' Reed

 March 2, 1942 - October 27, 2013

We're just going to stop.

And when you make that choice
When you turn your back on what is comfortable and safe - what some would call common sense - well that's day one

Only 30,000 people bought the first Velvet Underground album, but every one of those people went on to be an artist, a writer or formed a band.

Brian Eno on Lou Reed's first band


Missy Jubilee. 026. Membrane. PREVIEW 01

1. Missy Jubilee. 026. Membrane. PREVIEW01. 003.jpg

Preview only. Full episode 11th Nov 2013

My momma used to say

People love to watch the fire burn

Turn the bass up

I have come to fear

Put your curse on me

Put your curse on me

Curse on me baby and set me free

White Rabbit. How long is forever? 

Alice: Sometimes, just a second

Have you ever wondered what insane looks & sounds like? 

Oh God. Kinky sex. Religion. 

This is what it looks & sounds like to me

Slut (noun) A woman who likes sex as much as a man 

Woman often think that sex & love are the same thing

You're going to wake up

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Remixed by Missy Jubilee

The greatest prison one can live in, is the fear of what others might think. David Icke

Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis

Parental advisory: Nudity everywhere

You should already know that

And porn is more truthful than religion

A psycho porn trait

The Future Love Sex Art Projekt

A pointless exercise it seems to me but that is option A

The real life journey into the mind of a female sexual deviant

Alright, stop, collaborate and listen

A short film handmade by Missy Jubilee

As much as you'd like to be in your comfort zone

As much as you'd like to be stable

As much as you'd like to have a comfortable environment

The realisation is

Momma knew my mind would know this song

Just remember, a girl is a slut if her sexuality scares others

Momma knew my mind would know this song

Another true slut story

One looks down in secret

And sees many things

Episode 26 of 250

This bizarre story began here

She is extraordinarily......... 

But look what happens when we change the picture

Am I normal? 

Something grabs a hold of me tight

In 1968, my mother drove my grandmother to an insane asylum for the first time. 

I'm going to tell you the story of the road not taken.

I think this is relevant to the issue at hand

The issue being? 

The issue being why am I sexually insane

Are you sure being sexually insane is a thing? 

You see a hole that gets wider and wider and wider

Until it disappears, and it forms that whole again.

Not unlike a jellyfish

Or a space creature

What exactly occurred

We are what we believe we are

or what we are told

What exactly occurred here?

I'm not telling you what to do

Are you ready

Are you ready? 

I wish you could trade in bad old memories

Membrane. Insane in the sex brain

This is a place for crazy people

Can you take the truth. 

That depends where you want me to take it

Full episode 11th Nov 2013

Vimeo.com & MissyJubilee.com

Daddy burnt the dirt, but the seed survived

Too broken to fix. Too crazy to care. Much



Sexual Zeitgeist

1. Missy Jubilee. 025. Sexual Zeitgeist. 001. 001.jpg

"You should just accept yourself. Maybe learn to meditate" 

-email received October 2013

"You gotta be kiddin me. All this time, that's what I've been missing?'

-Young Allie, The Notebook, 2004

And now... 

Slut (Noun): A woman who likes sex as much as a man.

Missy Jubilee in

The Future Love Sex Art Projekt

You've been warned to be cautious around doctors.

She's unstable.

But I'm on her side. I'll do anything.

It's not a dream. I assure you. 

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter. Martin Luther King Jnr.

A Psycho Porn Trait

Blue in the afternoon. Orange in the evening.

A real life journey into the mind of a female sexual deviant.

A short film by Missy Jubilee

Another true slut story

Now look what I found, on my brand new journey into sound. 

When you try your best, but you don't succeed.

When you get what you want

But not what you need. 

Play on the ground and nobody dies. 

Your mind is playing tricks on you again my dear

Not this time

Remixed by Missy Jubilee. 

Let's get down to brass tacks here.  

Choose life

Choose a job

Choose a career

Choose a family

They offered her their world. But she said she had her own. 


Episode 25 of 250

Relationship death by disappointment

A letter to my parents. We got issues.

What chu want now? 

What chu want now? 


Sexual Zeitgeist

One day in September in the year 2013

At any one moment, we are being bombarded by sensory information. Our brains do a remarkable job of making sense of it all. 

It seems easy enough to separate the sounds we hear, from the sights we see. 

My parents wrote me an interesting letter last month.

What did it say? 

I covered that in the Ctrl Alt Del Me episode. Didn't you watch it? 

I've been busy. Long story short? 

Long story short, they want nothing to do with me if I continue to try and find myself.

But you know what's worse than being second choice? 

Not being a choice at all

Hello to you both. 

I'm not going to continue to get stuck in the weeds of back and forth accusations and criticisms

There is one thing that concerns me in your letter - that if things change, then your attitude to me will change. 

You seem to be implying that unless I change back to who I was, there is no future for us.

What exactly do you think needs to change?

My questioning of your actions?

My questioning of your constant need to judge me?

My questioning of your anger regarding my right to have values and opinions of my own? 

My questions, full stop? 

I'm not harming anyone by seeking knowledge.

From my point of view, it's the both of you that need to change, as it is you who are unhappy with my life, not me. 

As long as you feel the need to question my choices and sanity

As you have been doing for a long time now,

Then I have no wish to see you. 

I have had enough

When that need to control me and my actions is gone, then will be the time for reconciliation - not before. 

I will always love you as my parents. 

But it's ok - you can let me go.

I won't make choices that are wrong for me. 

Love, peace & things, 


You put me down

But I got up

Now I'm just brushing off the dust. 

Stephen KIng once said

No one can tell you what goes on in-between the person you were, and the person you want to become. There is no map of that lonely section of hell. You either make it. Or you don't. 

The pain will go away


It will be better tomorrow

But I know tomorrow will be worse

Terrorised by trivialities and eaten up by nothingness

Is this how normal people exist? 

But Jeez Louise, I never meant to start a war

I just want to be ok.


Samples from the following used in the making of this film: 

Arcade Fire/Reflektor. Directed by Anton Corbijn

Box. Directed by Bot & Dolly

Requiem for a Dream. Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Trainspotting. Directed by Danny Boyle

Acid House. Directed by

Spun. Directed by Jonas Åkerlund

Gravity. Directed by Alfonso Cuaron

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. Directed by Terry Gilliam

Blind Melon. No Rain. Directed by Samuel Bayer

Nightmares on Wax. You wish. Directed by George Eveyln

If someone throws stones at you, they shouldn't be surprised if you pick up all those stones and build a big arse wall so they can never do it again

Music: Lo-Fidelity Allstars. Vision Incision

Music: Stonefield - Put Your Curse On Me

Music: Freedom/Anthony Hamilton

Director. Cinematographer

Max Jubilee

Producer. Editor. Sound Designer. Writer. Slut

Missy Jubilee

The Future Love Sex Art Projekt

Welcome to my world. Sometimes I see it in 8mm


Nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories designed to make us feel better about the past. 

Made by two people who should know better. 

But what happens if we change the picture? 

Am I normal yet?  


Sexual Zeitgeist Preview

1. Missy Jubilee. 025.1. Sexual Zeitgeist. PREVIEW. 003.jpg

Slut (Noun): A woman who likes sex as much as a man.

Missy Jubilee

The Future Love Sex Art Projekt

You've been warned to be cautious around doctors.

She's unstable.

But I'm on her side. I'll do anything.

It's not a dream. I assure you. 

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter. Martin Luther King Jnr.

A Psycho Porn Trait

Blue in the afternoon. Orange in the evening.

A real life journey into the mind of a female sexual deviant.

A short film by Missy Jubilee

Another true slut story

Now look what I found, on my brand new journey into sound. 

When you try your best, but you don't succeed.

When you get what you want, but not what you need. 

Play on the ground and nobody dies. 

Your mind is playing tricks on you again my dear

Remixed by Missy Jubilee. 

Let's get down to brass tacks here.  

Choose life

Choose a job

Choose a career

Choose a family

They offered her their world. But she said she had her own. 


Episode 25 of 250

Relationship death by disappointment

A letter to my parents

What chu want now? 

 What chu want now? 


Sexual Zeitgeist

I can not live in my world. But I can't die in someone else's

At any one moment, we are being bombarded by sensory information. Our brains do a remarkable job of making sense of it all.

It seems easy enough to separate the sounds we hear, from the sights we see. 

I'm sorry you don't like my honesty. But to be fair, I don't like your lies. 

Everything's going to be wonderful.

And I'm so excited.


I haven't got a clue what is going on. 

Full episode 21st October 2013. 

Vimeo.com & MissyJubilee.com