a tear in the reality continuum, please put on your tin-foil hats...)
This is impressive, Missy.
First? Include the slashed wrist... you figured out how to include boobies and s&m gear in the sfw versions... I imagine there's a way to include this too.
What difference does it make if you're Joan Smith or Betty Clark?... It sounds like you're answering that exact question here. It makes a big difference, "Let people accept or reject you on what you really are. Not what you think they want you to be...." , but it's something you have to discover for yourself. Certainly, the cinematography in this SFW episode goes a long way in fleshing you out. Love the OHS approved director's footwear. :)
Obviously, this can go too far, and I'm clear on the fact that you've had to deal with people who've stepped over the line. I don't have a simple answer for that, especially since you have so much of your real self at stake, and you don't have an army to defend yourselves. Maybe that again is the distinguishing factor that makes you and your journey and your story so compelling, far beyond that of other modern autobiographies. Again, I'm not doing this to fish for the inside track, I don't want to preempt anything you're planning on putting in a future episode.
I also sympathize a lot when it comes to the lines that society draws which impact your art. If I can paraphrase, you said something along the lines of "not wanting to pander the the lowest common denominator, but that you want to make intelligent porn/erotica". I see it's difficult, because I would love to see your intelligent porn... thrashing, writhing, passionate, sincere, orgasmic... maybe even just a little bit too real... Edgy, challenging and at times scary. The way it really happened for you... the opposite of so many people who had to have it so twisted that it was barely recognizable as human.
Normally, I'd want to wait a few days to let my reaction time to sink in... in this case, I've elected to give you my unfiltered version. I appreciate the opportunity to contribute and understand the boundaries.
I understand that you're torn, that you're not sure that you're beautiful inside. I hope this project becomes the path to your beauty coming through again, and you seeing it, believing it.
I'm terrified at the prospect of hearing the details of the riskiest things you've done, the abuse, abandonment that you've thrived on when taking yourself to places that squeezed the shame in you to the most acute levels. But without it, it's not your story... it's an abridged version that essentially doesn't truthfully describe you. I understood from the beginning that you're committed to this project, and that it's even helping so far. That's the thing, I think, that compels me to follow.
It's not in the films yet, but whatever is broken in Max too, I hope is healed as part of your journey. My guess? He was brought up in the same or similar culture or atmosphere as you and there is common background or common problems in your past. It would also be cool if he was the man by the pool... that he was one of the people you tried to shock, but fate had a different plan for you. :)
(...and now back to your regularly scheduled programming)