I'm looking over your website trying to find some information about your life. You seem to have more concern for others than for your needs. I've been through multiple huge shocks in my own life and can relate to that. You mention that your grandmother had a lobotomy when she was 40 and died in a mental institution. My sister became schizophrenic at a very young age, about age 15, and she required electroshock. It made her lose some of her long term memory. That was over 30 years ago. I was counting on having her around to be a pal and confidante and all that and took it very hard. My mother had a nervous breakdown well before that and she needed hospitalization. Before that I shared a hospital room with a burn victim when I was just 5. I did some research on schizophrenia and found that it may be linked to stress in the mother during the 6th or 7th month of pregnancy, when what will eventually become the prefrontal lobe is developing in the unborn baby. The prefrontal lobe begins to develop in adolescence and makes people more emotional. Anyway, at that particular time in my mom's pregnancy with my younger sister in 1968, a close friend of hers had killed herself with gasoline. A very emotional event for just about anyone. I also believe that my mom's tendency to be nervous is related to stress during pregnancy in HER her mother (my grandmother), being apprehensive about being an American with German heritage as World War II was beginning in Europe, when it had caused her and her family hardship during the First World War."