On being faithful

  • Johanna:
  • Hey

  • 08:12Missy Jubilee

    Hey you x

  • Johanna:
  • can I ask you something

  • 08:13Missy Jubilee

    Fire away x

  • Johanna:
  • You are a girl for sure right

    You don't post many pics

  • 08:18Missy Jubilee

    Last time I looked. Don't post any photos here cause FB has already banned me twice. But if you go to my website and go to the visuals tab, all the photos are there x

  • Johanna:
  • You like girls?

  • 08:32Missy Jubilee

    You mean sexually?. I like girls, but I'm married and have been for 8 years, so sexually I would say that I'm more attracted to men, but I love girls artistically. x

  • Johanna:
  • Yes I mean sexually

    So you are married I noticed on your website

    Are you faithful?

  • 08:35Missy Jubilee

    Very. I have no reason not to be. My husband is my creative partner. Besides, I am actually attracted to intelligence more than anything else, and he is the smartest, most creative person I've ever met. Why do you ask? x

  • Johanna:
  • I wanted to see your answer I'm curious

  • 08:37Missy Jubilee

    What did you expect my answer to be? And why are you curious?. I've done the ol' switcharooney on the question thingy. x

  • Johanna:
  • Lol

    You are into sexual things I see and I wanted to see your view on marriage and having one partner

  • 08:42Missy Jubilee

    What is your view on marriage and having one partner?. Personally, I would rather be with one person who knows everything about you than lots of lovers who know you superficially. Besides, I lack for nothing emotionally, sexually or intellectually. And my husband is 52, and I'm 32 - so it's not like I'm going to outgrow him. I'm constantly trying to catch up with him. I might outlive him, but probably will never outgrow him x

  • Johanna:
  • I feel like sexually something is wrong with me idk I can't figure it out

  • 08:45Missy Jubilee

    What's wrong with you? I would assume from your questioning that you are into girls. Is that what you think is wrong with you x

  • Johanna:
  • No lol I love pussy

    I'm ok with that ... I just seem to fall in love but still want to be with other people

    Other people can't understand how I'm so in love but could still share sexual encounters with others

    To me it's just sex which is so different than love

  • 08:47Missy Jubilee

    You're wearing a wedding ring correct? x

  • Johanna:
  • No

  • 08:48Missy Jubilee

    That's not a wedding ring in your profile photo? x

  • Johanna:
  • On my profile yes but I'm not married

  • 08:49Missy Jubilee

    Ok, let me summarise my knowledge at this point and construct a straw man. You're a lesbian (no labels) who likes sex but hasn't fallen madly in love with anyone. Yet. Anything to add to that straw man? x

  • Johanna:
  • Yes way too much to add

    Want to try to figure me out?

    Ill tell you more if you like

  • 08:51Missy Jubilee

    How about you tell me what I need to know to come to some productive conclusion, otherwise I'm just wild ass guessing, and that never serves anyone well. x

  • Johanna:
  • Well I think a huge thing is the fact that I use to belong to a religion or I should say I was part of a religion called Jehovah's witnesses

    I was born into it and became a very strong believer

    I have no idea if you know anything about them.  Do you?

  • 08:53Missy Jubilee

    I was born into a cult, so I know about the dynamics of indoctrination. x

  • Johanna:
  • Oh really?! That's so interesting ... So intriguing

    So yeah anyway I believed what I taught and I was all about being godly and blah blah blah ... Well my family kept me secluded and they things they did supposably to protect me just drove me crazy

    I felt caged up and just crazy ... What started off as me just wanting a little bit of freedom became a hunt for affection

    Lets just say I became addicted to porn and online chats and all kinds of crazy things

    I met a girl ... Ugly as fuck but she showed me attention so I left everything I knew and loved

    Ended up moving with this girl in the most horrible situations ... She put me down, abused me mentally and physically to the point I still have issues bc of her

    Finally got away from her bc I thought she would kill me ... I met a couple months later a girl that  became my wife

    She was everything to me ... I have no one ever since I left my home ... All the love I gave it to her ... Obviously things didn't work out

    That's after 3.5 yrs later

    I was head over heels in love with her but I always wanted to fuck around

    And I did basically the whole time

    I've felt so sexually frustrated my whole life ... I remember being 9 and wanting to fuck

    I never had any sexual influences since I was sheltered so I have no idea why I was like that

    I was a good girl growing up and I always dismissed those feelings but when I left my home I felt like I have to fuck like a animal and I loved it I'm not going to lie

    I'm extremely open minded

    I feel like a man most times

    Now I'm with another girl that crazy enough I feel a lot more feelings than my x wife but I still want to fuck other people ... Only difference is this time around I'm honest and open about my feelings

    What do you think?

  • 09:05Missy Jubilee

    Interesting. Could we agree on one thing though, let's leave out things like ugly as fuck. No-one has anything to do with how they look, whether they are pretty or not so classically pretty. You get what you're given. It's what you do with your mind that counts. I have to go and edit the next video, getting one out every 2 weeks is a headfuck sometimes. But let's come back to this discussion. I would ask this of you though - watch three of my short films - Showerlust (about shame), H.2.OH (about sexual thoughts at the age of 4) and Ctrl Alt Del Me (about being rejected by my parents). If I could ask that of you, then that will help you understand that on the surface, we have many similarities. I would be interested to find out what other crossovers there are. Can you do that for me? x

  • 09:07Missy Jubilee

    I would be interested to know if you see yourself in any of those short films x

  • Johanna:
  • I have seen some of your films and I love them

    I do see myself in them

    And she is ugly as fuck bc her insides are ugly

  • 09:13Missy Jubilee

    Let's focus on positives not negatives. You're only projecting your insecurities onto her, no matter what you convinced yourself of. I understand that there are negative people, but making statements like that is just making you a negative person. Is that what you want?

  • Johanna:
  • Well she would put a gun to my face and tell me she would kill me if I left

    I had to run away

    I was homeless for a bit

  • Johanna:
  • We all do things that are crazy and make us cringe when we look back on them. I know I have. But you don't have a gun to your face now, and I'm assuming you're not homeless now, unless homeless people having mobile phones is now a thing

  • Johanna:

    I'm a positive person n I've made it far bc of that but I do believe there're evil people in this world

    Everyone makes mistakes I agree with that

  • 09:19Missy Jubilee

    You seem very locked in the

  • past. What are you doing to change what you don't like about you're current situation x

  • Johanna:
  • I'm being me I'm being honest idk what else to do

  • 09:21Missy Jubilee

    Maybe stop being so defensive?

  • Johanna:
  • I always get hurt though

    I've been told I always have a wall up

    I just don't know how to break that down

  • 09:30Missy Jubilee

    I'm not criticising you. I'm asking you what your plan is to change your situation, cause no-one is going to do it for you. Not me. Not any lover. Not a book. Just you. So if you don't have any idea what/how you're going to change, maybe think through what you could do? Maybe take some baby positive steps. I don't know - I have a degree in applied mathematics, not psychology. So if you've got any addition or subtraction or standard deviation equations solved, I could be your go to person. But other than that, I'm just a fucked up girl like you who doesn't quite understand where she fits in. I've got a lot of issues, really really big issues that I'm trying to sort out, and the way I'm doing to is writing and making short films about how fucked up I am. Once I get the thoughts into a film, they disappear from my head. Finally I'm creating space in my head for positive thoughts. Better than any therapy or self help book. But that doesn't make me an expert. I'm an expert at being fucked up, but pretty much nothing else. Have you thought about writing a blog and letting all your thoughts spill out instead of keeping them bottled up? x

  • Johanna:
  • I don't really want ppl to see how fucked up I am I guess

    You said some helpful things though ill think about it

  • 09:46Missy Jubilee

    Let me tell you one thing girlfriend. When you change this sentence - I don't really want ppl to see how fucked up I am I guess - your situation will change. People like imperfect, brave, complex people. When you become brave, you will attract the person you are lacking. You have prettygirlification - you were blessed with prettiness, and that is your one greatest limiting asset, because it isn't an asset. Oh, it's an asset if you want to attract superficial people. But you'll just as quickly lose them. x

    p.s. let me tell you something. You could well be a guy, and this could all be a game for you to get off on. It's only happened.......hmmmmm........a hundred times before. I don't care whether you're being truthful or not. I don't care about being played or taken for a fool. Because it's not about me. It's only about you. You gotta do what you gotta do. I gotta do what I gotta do. Other people gotta do what they gotta do. So I take everything at face value. Helps me sleep easier at night. If you think of some things to do that might change the situation you're in, let me know. I would be curious to follow your progress, or lack thereof x

    p.s. thinking about doing something is just a mentally noisey way of not doing anything.

  • Johanna:
  • I'm a girl and what I told you is the truth and I need to put my thoughts together ill get back with you ... Beauty is a curse

  • 10:03Missy Jubilee

    No it's not. Beauty is beauty. It is neither a curse, or an asset. Ooooo, my life is so hard, I was cursed with beauty is one of the biggest cliche going for people who are committed to not changing. Just a thought. Not a criticism. x

  • Johanna:
  • I don't think I'm beautiful but people tell me I am ... My family never let me express myself and they sheltered me ... I thought I was ugly my whole life basically

    Now that I'm a bit older and have lived through things I see I'm not as ugly as I thought I was

    I've been uses and abused but I've learned to live through it and work on healing

    Most of the time idk what the fuck I'm doing