Thank you for your kind note. I'll dot point it so I don't forget to address anything:
You always take the time to reply, which is lovely. But please do not think you have to:
Alan, I do have to. I am genetically programmed to. If someone takes the time and effort to write to me, then I cannot in anyway shape or form ignore that, or take it for granted. That is not polite or good manners. It is not a chore and it doesn't wear me down. I am blessed that people want to discuss the concepts I am trying to articulate visually. The only thing that frustrates me is that there is only 24 hours in a day - but I'm working on an app for that :)
I will continue to praise your video's as long as you keep posting them and I think they are praiseworthy
I seek nothing but unvarnished honest feedback - positive or negative. I am not a compliment whore. Feedback helps me fine tune what I am doing. I operate in a vacuum, and that's always dangerous. Perspective is what I seek.
I mean every word I write, it is not in my nature to be dishonest when it comes to praise. Believe me.
I do believe you, and have never thought otherwise
I am sensing on the whole, that you are getting lots and lots of mail these days. Answering them must be a slog. Don't make it unenjoyable.
Engaging with intelligent, creative, perceptive people who have taken the time to absorb and process my art and offer thoughts and observations to enable it to be better is never un-enjoyable or a slog - and it never will be. I hope I never become THAT person.
I will not take a lack of response negatively, or personally, nor will it stop me commenting in the future. Unless you indicate to me to stop.
Well, this is a moot point - cause that ain't gonna happen :)
Don't let it take over your life though, what attracted me to your video's in the first place was the eroticism in the story, particularly in Cream'd, but since you have been making more personal statements and I have grown to like you as a strong woman who is unafraid to bare your soul and body to the internet.
Alan, this is a very perceptive point. The first phase was the basic eroticism of a carefree personality, then there was the deep dive into the psychology and motivation behind some of those initial videos - perhaps showing that what you see on the surface is quite a false or misleading representation of pain and rejection portrayed as self indulgence and sexuality. The storyline will go back to eroticism, and then will probably veer off in other tangential directions. It's all part of a process of layering what is quite a complex psychology. But also, through this process, I know I have lost a segment of the audience that was just there initially for the tits and arse - because one thing I know that has never been said by anyone is - 'I know what I'd like, I'd like my porn to include psychological problems, loss, death, abandonment, rejection and fear'. This worries me not at all, because porn is never what I set out to do. But on the flip side, I have gained a whole other audience that is what I call the 'documentary' audience as opposed to the 'porn' audience - people who have an interest in the human condition and the psychology behind it, and also are aware that sexuality is the core to the human condition. The naked body for them just becomes a metaphor for a person stripped bare of the pretence of ego as represented by clothes as masks. What I am trying to do is create a genre that is a collision between intelligence, psychology, documentary, erotica and music video - and using myself and my experiences as the basis. Not a small challenge, but one that makes me get up each morning and attempt it.
If I fail, I fail. But I gave it a go. And I got some stuff out of my head. :)