How to protect your penis


Since April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it is a perfect time to talk about one form of sexual assault that often gets ignored by hairy, bra-burning feminists: woman-on-wiener violence. It’s not the 90s anymore, but Lorena Bobbitt’s spirit lives on in the hearts of penis-cleaving gals all over the globe.

Three weeks ago, Catherine Kieu Becker, the Orange County woman who cut off her husband’s penis and threw it in the garbage disposal, appeared in court for a pretrial hearing. Floridian escort Priscilla Vaughn scored originality points back in March by not using blades or scissors, but her own teeth to do the deed. Though her date’s dick is intact, the police say she did some major damage to his balls. And last year, Virginia Valdez and Julia Huamán Muñoz both attempted to sever their husbands’ penises. Julia was successful in the act, ensuring that her husband won’t ever be able to have “normal sex” again. While Valdez didn't completely lop off her husband's pickle, the police say she effectively “disfigured the victim’s genitals,” which is nothing to shake a stick at.

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