Missy Jubilee. 062. Nymph

This is a film currently in production

The babelogue & background to the film NYMPH

Missy Jubilee. 062. Nymph

A film about adolescence under the microscope in a visual offering of my life as a first-time teenager, and things I will do differently next time round

A time of non-truths and lost translations

First, a contrary confession

This film is set in the following environment:

Invalidating, judgmental, repressive, lack of: attention, affection, blissedoutness & time with parent/s

My personality/mindset at the time:

Intense curiosity, intelligent, adventurous spirit. Something that’s taboo/bad/wrong/illegal seems more intriguing. Awareness that this was a recipe for trouble

I was an unseen passion project
in the making

Preventive medicine?

Learning to take my ghosts and demons out
and play with them, 
for entertainment and pleasure,
rather than locking them away

Seemed like a good plan at the time

You are Here

-a difficult or intricate point, situation in a plot

Inhibition vs Intimacy. A guide to the former, and not the later

I hold the sextant up and see that this film is about the period of 2 years in my life

From the age of 14 to 16

A bonethinning period of deliverance, choices & repetition

Two years of swimming hungrily in hot air,
 while having a sticky conversation with my body

Taking stock
Buying time

Staying alone
in a darkened mind,
I practiced
being a poet - 
a fish that doesn't know it can swim

When I stopped speaking at home
I also stopped communicating with the outside world

A bunch of feelings were stuffed into hibernation

Now you see  me
Now you do
Now you see....me
Now you don't

I sunk to the bottom, and began to feed

The sign said - no rules

Sweet deal

I like my signs like my poetry


-an impelling mental force acting from within

Reborn: Fighting through a destructive adolescence

-chance, doubt, or uncertainty

At 14, my parents complex relationship
was in a rage of matrimonial real-talk
amidst the throes of a marriage collapsing

I questioned the body language of their relationship, 
while pondering its very necessity

I, on the other hand
was a tranquil portrait of improvised blast theory
as I respawned in the peace of being ignored

I shrugged one shoulder at the parental offering
and didn't pause long enough
to let it breathe

Such was my dissatisfaction with the whole situation

Was there such a thing as an irrevocable marriage?
I thought there was, but apparently I was wrong

Roses are red
Romance is dead
Everyday I live in
Existential dread

#innocence is in the eye of the beholder

Candor: The Art of Gesticulation

All belief systems derived from Judaism (Christianity, Islam etc) 
teach that sex outside marriage is shameful,
and that is controlled
through the teaching of a conscience

There is a two thousand year old fence to jump
in order to reach sexual unshaming

My father had no trouble with that fence

In due course, neither did I
but in my case
it would involve aberration
not intimacy

Isn't scarcity the characteristic
that gives sex the power it has? 

His way of dealing with the situation was to leave

My father asked me to stay with him and his sexy new girlfriend

I guess he took my angry silence as a no, because he didn't ask again

He had a wonderful grasp of silent fuck-right-off communication

I stayed with my mother instead,
as she went deep into all-encompassing depression

Treading water wasn't her style

Meanwhile, I had issues of my own

[insert an impressionistic representation of my high school experience here]

A Super-16 stroll down memory lane

Systems of belief
within the mechanics of my mind, 
were letting go of grief
for the rest of days

I was not thinking
But I was not dead
I caught it by
the very last thread

I woke up
Answered the knock I didn't hear
Opened the door
And met my future self
walking out
to build a shapeshifting sexual utopia
that I would soon
call home

My mind
and its penchant for
was clearly an enemy
of any healthy fix

An undisciplined mind
as a thief, 
or the enemy within 

I would come
to define sensuality as
the art of the close shave
in a heatwave of
sweat, sex & sensibility

The Addiction of Addiction

It's like ether, 
an obsession slowly crawls under the skin, 
inhabits the imagination
and incubates
until it becomes action based
impulse eventually overcomes good sense

The Crime and Self-punishment of Acting Out

Opening the doors to my personal paradise

When did I first steal something, 
and where did I learn how to do it
without being caught?

Everyone has stolen something
Does that mean
it was an innate survival practice
fit for Hemingway and Capote?

Complete triptych

Teen spirit
Played a part
Acted out
The role
A vicarious fix
for a living breathing thing

This addiction
knows me by the question
I didn't ask

Why was I doing it? 

In hindsight,
I was lubricating
risk taking

Pitch-perfect Serendipity

Born where the Sun rises
I turned East
Towards the beach

And eventual deliverance into shame
through the realities of childhood & adolescence
in a rural beachside Australian setting

Introducing my Lowline. A suntan oil drenched tale of teenage nihilism

An exploration of my infatuation with skin
caught on film
in a public space

Life is Stranger than Kindness

I am here

Right Side Down. Hard lines and harder shapes

-to regard or treat as of little value or account.
-to vilify; depreciate.


Step Out (My One Demand Part 2. Don't be fat)

So much of the human body is fluid,

but at age 14, I didn't feel so fluid, 
I didn't think of myself
as fluid in any sense

I was frail with fleshy concerns

I was fat
and no amount of meditation could give me physical viscosity

Too Much of Me. Confronting weight and self-worth

If I closed my eyes I can see how I should look

Plenty of time for closed eyes

I was coming into the peace of wild things, 
who do not tax their lives with forethought

I didn't have an answer and I didn't know if there needed to be one

I walked like nobody was watching

But they were

And they seemed
to be under the influence of euphoria

I was their receiver
in a slow-mo homage to maximalist naivety


-a compelling attraction; fascination

Poker faces stripped bare

That blaze of days
that passed in a haze

Mind The Gap

I think I am closer to knowing why I left home
and the dream under my pillow

So simple it looks stupid

The crossing of a thin line, 
a line so thin it didn't even matter

The line of uncompromising
but polarising adolescent experimentation

Fetishes and fantasy; its all relative to addiction

-temporary inactivity, cessation, or suspension

Vamp on Cruise Control

'Somewhere in the back of my mind
Secretly I know you will find me
Deep beyond the things I don't show

I didn't wanna know the things I knew
It wasn't till I looked into the mirror


Physical situations, manifestations representing psychological state like a bag of hammers

Lines crossed, fingers crossed.
Living in a parable.

I never wanted to be
part of something I would call amazing

The Odd Beholder

How much time and energy did I invest in abstract thoughts that were negative?

A lot.  The scenarios oblique. The reasons opaque

Six Degrees of De-caffeination

I just watched, quietly borrowing her eyes
A sense of belonging in the picture,
in touch with my inner monkey

A lost two years in my brain

All thoughts. No actions.

Except for the rise of the beast

-frenzied; agitated; unrestrained.


Sex became a powerful antidote for my own perceived powerlessness

Most any man with the opportunity to grab that cure would, 
and of course they do, 
when able

I guess shame,
and a fear of diluting their sexual marketplace value
stops many women

“Everything in the world is about sex, except sex.  Sex is about power.”
-Oscar Wilde


I was not angry, 
not sad

It was a stage of life to get through

I understood my situation
but on an emotional level
the sexual changes were slow & small

Untaggable: What is #perfection?

It looks like something
that came into this world
from another

as an extended stick magazine
stuck together
Issue after
Pages of
falling on the deaf ears
of my Universe

-a roundabout way; circumlocution