Missy Jubilee. 056. Bad Mthrfckr. FULL SCRIPT

My sexuality fell out of a 4th floor window & landed on it’s head all awkward and shit

When I was 7, I had a crush on a boy and I didn't know how to deal with it so I wrote him a letter It said ‘Leave my school. Now’

From an early age I processed insecurity Passive aggressively Welcome to the badlands of my past

My vision of me Is tainted by a perverted Sexual history

Sometimes I forget that there was another Very clearly defined me at work

My devil was always Doing it’s hip hop hustle Always waiting Always wanting Always needing Me

Part 2: The uncomfortable state of being As Psychopathic as a ponderous riot

Am I, or was I, A sexual psychopath For a long period in my life I agreed with the diagnosis

However with hindsight I believe it was an extreme coping reaction To an in-ordinate amount of bullshit hat had happened in my life From the age of 4 until I was 16

My coping became psychopathic

It is important to understand The definition of psychopathic To understand my sexual history


A mental disorder in which an individual Manifests amoral and antisocial behavior, Lack of ability to love, or establish Meaningful personal relationships Extreme egocentricity, manipulation Lack of conscience, lack of empathy Failure to learn from experience & obsessive behavior

Psychopathy does not need to be criminal or violent, although in my case it is. But it was not with me

This is the psychopathic checklist Originally developed in the 1970s By Canadian psychologist Robert D. Hare For use in psychology experiments.

The patient in scored on Each of the 20 items

If it does not apply at all If there is a partial match or mixed information If there is a very strong match These are my results in 2007. I was 26 years old

Facet 1: Interpersonal Glibness/Superficial Charm = 1  Grandiose sense of self-worth = 1  Pathological Lying = 1  Cunning/Manipulative = 2

Facet 2: Affective Lack of remorse of guilt = 1  Emotionally shallow = 2  Callous/Lack of empathy = 2  Failure to accept responsibility for own action = 2

Facet 3:  Lifestyle Need for stimulation/Proneness to boredom = 2  Parasitic Lifestyle = 2  Lack of realistic,  long term goals = 2  Impulsive = 2  Irresponsibility = 2

Facet 4:  Antisocial Poor behavioral controls = 2  Early behavioral problems = 2  Juvenile delinquency = 2  Revocation of conditional release = 1  Criminal Versatility = 1  Many short term sexual relationships = 2  Promiscuous sexual behavior = 2

A prototypical criminal psychopath Would receive a maximum score of 40 While someone with absolutely no Psychopathic traits or tendencies Would receive a score of zero

A score of 30 or above indicates A diagnosis of psychopathy

My score was 34

‘When you grow up as a girl There are faint chalk lines Traced Three inches around your entire body. Drawn by society, religion, family and other women Who somehow feel it is their job to tell you how to behave’ — M.E. THOMAS, CONFESSION OF SOCIOPATH

One must be sane to thing clearly But one can think deeply, and be quite insane

I never went to summer camp I went somewhere else

I’m thankful I haven’t Hit a rock bottom in my later years Unless you count being arrested for Assault occasioning grievous bodily harm And a failed self harm attempt. Both in the last 12 months

But if you discard those inconvenient Facts from the data set. It’s all been going swimmingly of late

I can’t write these things Without suffering at my own hand Mentally & Emotionally

So I fall into these truths Like a fall into sharp knives, pheromones first

There are still many faces in my head They swarm, but they are not a menace Most of the time

I’m acutely aware that I have to deal With the crazy that is always just around the corner

The solutions is I don’t need to be perfect I just need to be honest

Honesty is painful But like a true psychopath I don’t find pain unpleasant So documenting my truths Does not scare me

In fact. I take perverse pleasure In inflicting on myself

I’m still in the pain game