Missy Jubilee. 055. PopPorn. FULL SCRIPT.

In this episode, I show you how you can make your own popporn
From cheap looking porn that has been thrown away on the internet

Someone once asked me
'If you made a porn film, what would it look liket?'

This is what it would look & sound like
(A plague on the senses & just plain weird)

This film takes place four years after episode 54 prequel

In 2001, At the age of 20, I would walk around my life
With a thought bubble over my head that said
Why does my life resemble a porn movie without the cameras?

I had been in a sexless relationship with my 1st boyfriend for 2 years
And I had cheated on him more than 100 times. Almost every 2nd night
While avoiding sex with him on a nightly basis because I loved him

My broken DNA said sex was for secrets, not relationships. It was dirty
My secrets said. We watch you die. My conscience said. Slowly I now know I manufactured this relationship for destruction

I had a whole sale lack of impulse control & he needed to know that

The picture hasn't faded with early onset Nietzsche
The shock was the primary source of unintended violence
It was a shocl that demanded attention from who he though I was
As it entered his skin and spread outward through his consciousness

He silently slowly broke as a human. Minimal mixed with surrealism
He didn't say - that how could you do that to me?
He didn't say - Fuck you for cheating on me
He didn't say - Empathy is an allegory and betrayal is a sentence
He didn't say - When trust dies its corpse is called you
He didn't say - you are so much worse than a slut
Because you killed something
And you killed it when its back was turned
No. He said none of those things I say about myself

I thought I knew how much this would hurt
I had never had a physical reaction to trauma, so I was unprepared
As he stood unable to distinguish between reality & insanity
He threw up violently. Over & over. Love dying as vomit. Me expelled
His world most cruelly lost its collective shit before he collapsed

Every cell of my worst being had been in full bloom. Why? Bad instincts
Self-loathing has an actual sound. The sound of self-inflicted torture
My urge to punish myself now came with a conviction of guilt
With hindsight. I can now see exactly what I did. it was twisted
I had become my cheating father and my boyfriend was my mother
Nothing could hurt me now because I was doing the hurting
With a behavioral file filled with repression. Fear, guilt & anger
I destroyed my first 4 perverted sexless normal relationships
Complete with infidelity, betrayal, shame & abandonment
But exponentially harsher than my fathers infidelity in every 

I was trying to prove something. I had stripped off my first piece of 

As my secrets surgically removed my now redundant soul
In this moment of self-destruction, I achieved clarity for the first 

Cheating and lying weren't a struggle for me. Just like my father
My darkest demons had found their perfect environment for breeding
Here in the vold. I understood this broken version of my perfectly
I had a new mantra, which I chanted softly to myself
Of my GOD, who am I... Oh my GOD, who am I

Only people without a purpose seek forgiveness. Nihilism is a 


'When there'll just be silence/And when life will be over don't 

think you will forgive you'

You would think that
Someone like me
With my sexual history
My state of mind
And the films I make
Would be addicted to porn

The opposite of addicted
would be ambivalent
I am that towards porn

I am ambivalent to anything
That is the opposite of
Creative, insightful & Truthful

I didn't have access
To the Internet
Until I left home at 16
And for that I'm very glad

I'm not sure who I would be today
If I was exposed to the amount of
Hardcore pornography
Today's teenagers are

For the first and only time
In history
We are educating
A generation of boys
About sex violent Internet porn

They are taught to look
At women's bodies
Evaluate it, spank it, ejaculate on it
And move on

A high rating as a sex object
is the most valuable tribute
A women can get from her lover

How do those young minds
Resolve that moral issue?

They don't
Just like I didn't
It doesn't end well

Porn is the
Ultimate representation
Of current human sexuality

And also the way
We can most incorrectly
Genetically modify future
Human sexuality

"Pure evil power is tearing human mind into pieces and putting them 

together again in new shapes of your own choosing
- Goerge Orwll 1984

That is the real similarity between porn & betrayal