My Other Bus. The One From Hell. Next stop Nihilism

"It's a little too late to say 
That you're sorry now
You kicked me when I was down
Fuck what you say
It don't hurt me, no more" 
-Eminem/Lil Wayne, No Love 

This is a bus you don't want to be on

You questioned my ethics and authenticity
The only 2 things I had left
Everything else has been taken
Or lost
Or stolen
Or I gave it away
Or I threw it under the bus

I throw myself under the bus
I drive the bus
I'm in the bus
I built the bus
I watch the bus going back and forward over the limp body
Like the junkies at the station
Watching the sounds of my boring life
Die hardcore in shades of grey

When I finish I'll destroy the bus
And burn it to hell
Watching the echoes of smoke
With all my little thoughts trapped inside

Then all the junkies 
Red eyed in that blue room
Will have warmth
In winter
For a short spell

For those who look down on me
There is nothing to be gained 
From my bus driving over you

Fear is on my side
We are very good friends
We know each others name
I beat fear down with love
Driving a love knife right down its throat

For a masochist
There's no fun
In being a sadist

We prefer to drown in our own tears

So you can't steal my pain
Because it's not for sale
And if you try
Blue eyes will see you
From the edge of my mind

This shit is legit
Tap tap tap
Like water on a forehead
But nobody has managed to 
Hang a name on it

There is a strange beauty in a broken heroine

For this not so maybe world
It is a sexual spectator sport
In a electronic colessuem
And I am the villain

Who requires cash on delivery
In exchange for all my tomorrows
And nine million words delivered
From my parrallel otherworld

Excuse me while I trip on a feeling
But I have had people doubt me all my life
They question my motivation
And I have a place for them


They send me lovely postcards from there
All the time

Besides there's too many of them
To fit on my bus
They can get their own bus
Or maybe catch the train

Cause there's no way I'm letting anyone
Stop me from causing my truth

When I say I'll do something 
I do it
I don't give a damn

Just like you didn't

I'm doing this just for me
So fuck the world
Fuck the world hard
With all of my might
Until it bows to my will
Or the shit is coming out of its bowels
Whichever comes first

For better or worse

You won't take the sting
Out of my words
Because I'm married to this game
Like a fuck you for Christmas
My gift is my curse
It was always the same

I'm way too in now
To ever back down
I will return to peace
When I say so

Because fuck off
Is not the only thing
I have to say

This is just the first inch
Of a long long freefall
From now to insanity

The misfortunes of the unlucky few
Are the fortunes of the lucky many

It should be fun
For you
Reading all the chapters
Of my sin contained herein

The turning of my 
Into a projection
Of digestable series of provocative 
Visual and auditory statements

I was always born
To be the anti-hero
In my own story

Thank you for the opportunity

I guess

"You get tough when you grow up unloved" -Maj Sjowall