A Harsh Self-assessment of Me in the Bright Light of the Internet

[How can I begin anything new with all my yesterdays in me? -Leonard Cohen]

I write this for me

So vicious as to be true
So cruel as to rue
But a method to exist
Rather than resist

Age 14
There was a fork in the road
And I took it

It went underground
And that version of me 
Was never heard from again

That was 35 quadrillon years ago
And I’ve been pleasantly alone with my isolation
Ever since 

Shakespeare said 
‘Self love, my liege, is not so vile as self neglect’

Self love would require morals
But I killed my internal diva 
And her friend conscience
Long ago

I stabbed them in the heart
That I didn't have
And the blood is on my hands
As badge of honour

Who needed those fuckers anyway

Its about progress,  not perfection

I always thought I was vicious and cruel
But I hoped I was lying to myself
I don’t believe I was


If I were a country
My vagina would be North Korea
Conniving, self-serving
But yet frustratingly effective
At leading people down the wrong path
With very little

I did not need success
Like a junkie didn’t need 
Their next hit

But I always got it

I had stolen my cloth of normality
While discarding my own

By writing this now
I am exposing my paper-thin ego
As translucent
And pathetic
By shining a bright motherfucking tungsten light on it
The light I had run away from for so long 

But previously there had always been 
A light switch close by
Within dashing distance

Now I am in a room with no light switches

By choice

How odd

My nihilism knows no bounds

I blame the internet

["I now walk into the wild. It might be a very long time before I return" -Christopher McCandless. 'Into the Wild']

This past week, 98% of likes and comments on Missy Jubilee's status updates were by people who identify as male, compared to 2% by people who identify as female

Is the internet good or bad?


["And the rest is rust and stardust" -Nabakov]