Missy Jubilee. 028. Membrane

1. Missy Jubilee. 028. Membrane.004.jpg


If you have not seen any of my films

Or you have not followed the story to date

I highly recommend you do not watch this film

I would suggest something easier

Like the sweet embrace of alcohol, snuggling with your pets

Or listening to the live acoustic version of Hotel California

This film is very weird & will do your head in

And no-one wants that, most of all me

Besides, my insurance doesn’t cover damage caused by confusion


Your videos are pathetic – message from 32 year old male – USA

Seriously, you’re not very good – message from 34 year old male – Syria

You are sick – message from 23 year old male, Saudi Arabia

You’re probably right – the voices in my head

Do trees not laugh because they live in a world without irony?


Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable


White rabbit: how long is forever?

Alice: sometimes… just one second


Have you ever wondered what sexual insanity looks & sounds like?


This is what it looks and sounds like to me


The greatest prison one can live in, is the fear of what others might think

I don’t live in that prison


 I live in a different prison


These memories are unfortunately the architecture of my reality


This is a story about my grandmother

Sexy huh

She was not normal

Therefore am I not genetically not normal?


In 1968 they drove my grandmother to an insane asylum for the first time

She would die an emotional vegetable 15 years later


Ummm. Excuse me. Isn’t this supposed to be porn?

It’s philosophical porn

Besides, everything we now & believe is predicted on someone’s first philosophical investigations

Someone asks, why is it so?

And I think it is relevant to the issue at hand

The issue being?

The issue being why I am sexually insane

Are you sure being sexually insane is a thing?

We are what we believe we are

Or who we are told we are


I wish i could trade-in bad old memories


Can you take the truth?

Depends on where you want me to take it


My grandmother’s name was Stella

She was weird. Like me


She was told to stop acting weird

Or else

It’s all in your mind


She didn’t

Stella couldn’t cope & hid away

Stella got more depressed


They came and took my grandmother away

But they couldn’t fix her. Her heart was torn

The doctors suggested electro shock therapy

That didn’t work

They shook the angel in her & she got worse

She was living in her mind. Staring out

She became difficult to manage

The doctors recommended a lobotomy

And asked my mother to sign the papers

She did

It would be easier this way


“find what you love and let it kill you” – Bukowski


The lobotomy cuts away the connections to & from the prefrontal cortex and the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain

The lobotomy procedure can have severe negative effects.

Patients can lose their ability to function. They can become vegetables


It has a certain brutal simplicity to it

Problem solved


I cannot masturbate to this. Are you hearing me? Hellooo?


Just wait 45 seconds


It doesn’t take a knife to kill someone. Sometimes just not caring works well too.


I feel most uneasy at night at home alone

That’s when my grandmother’s monsters  say

Hello dear


My mother used to say

When you meet people ask them what they are afraid of

They have to be afraid of something

Otherwise they don’t believe in anything

I’m afraid that I believe I could be my grandmother

That her genes are mine

That her fate could be mine if I trust the wrong people


I wonder if my mother thinks about Stella

She never talked about her much


I met Stella once or twice but i don’t remember her

Her face always looks blurry in photos

Not the focus, it was just confusion i think

These things i knew about her

It’s not much

Stella’s husband went to war and came back wrong

He had post traumatic stress

He drank. He beat her. He cheated on her. He left

Stella started cleaning her house in her underwear

Then she started cleaning her house naked.

No-one could stop her

Somehow the trauma of her husband unleashed her sexuality

Without any shame or inhibition or consideration of the consequences

It had to come out of her.

As an act of cleansing

Imagine losing yourself so completely in making someone else happy

That your sexuality pours from the open wound

Of a lifetime of sexual repression

And not want it to stop

To never want to come back to reality because reality hurts too much


Her cleaning is my film project

We are both trying to cleanse something down deep


What i do think is strange

Is than my mother told me this story more than once

Not judging. Not shaming. Just telling

Like, she went crazy but she was proud of her sexuality


Was your mother repressed sexually?


She sunbathed nude and topless most days

Probably still does.

Do you see where this is going?


You tell me


There are no other women in my family

My grandmother. My mother. Me

Either i am in a fever of competition

To become the most sexual woman of the family, or…

By questioning my grandmother’s sexuality and sanity

And my sexuality and sanity

My mother is trying to do away with the competition

I’d like to think the former

That this is a process of evolution, not devolution


Have you ever thought of your mother as competitive?


Many times. For the attention of men

Not all the time. But many times


Do you really think the latter option is possible?


Not really. Maybe. Anything is possible i suppose


When did you notice the competition from your mother?


When i was 12


How did you feel?


Like i lost. Me


What would your 12 year old self think of you right now?


I don’t know


I think my 12 year old self checked out long ago

Besides, i’m a realist. This isn’t wonderland and my name isn’t Alice


So what’s the solution?

Well, i’ve always been a strong believer in the concept that the correct answer to every question is…

Interpretive dance


The future sex love art projekt

Welcome to my mind

It’s a little intense at times