I struggle with a life that doesn't quite fit me. My life is suburban, professional, straight-laced, respectable. Inside I am a freak, a libertine, kinky, experimental, insatiable, adventurous.
Except for a glorious moment in my life...I guess it was a few years but it feels like a short moment now that I have passed the half-century mark...mostly I have felt rejection and repression of this very important part of my true self. The part of me that my wife of 27 years doesn't want me to show...the part of me that my family can never know.
It all feels so utterly unfair. There's nothing wrong or hurtful or predatory about my feelings. I just feel complete...alive...capable and whole when sexually exploring the tastes and feelings and textures of others.
I feel so fulfilled making others feel good. I just long to get back to feelings that meant so much to me at that time long past.
Maybe it's because so much of my self-revelation occurred on the beaches near where I grew up and went to college that I feel a special affinity for the stories that you tell. I feel that you are expressing where I am repressing, but instead of making me sad it's making me hopeful again.